Not Now, Not Ever
by JulieGee
Summary: Merlin and Arthur discover their destiny through words and deeds. Arthur/Merlin. WARNING: Descriptive Violence, descriptive m/m sex, angst.
1. Chapter 1

This is the first fan fiction story I've written in years, and the first I've ever let anyone else read.

If you have time to review it, I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Oh, and I don't own the Merlin television show or characters, the BBC does. Thanks, BBC!

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Not Now, Not Ever

Chapter One

"Yes Sire... No Sire... Right away, Sire..." Merlin said sarcastically. His patience was already fraying, and the prince hadn't even started getting ready for the banquet yet.

Arthur was being particularly difficult this evening, but not without reason. He sat stiffly in his fur-covered chair, watching Merlin carry the last buckets of water needed for his bath. "Make sure it's hot this time," said the Crown Prince of Camelot. Merlin rolled his eyes, and briefly considered whether or not they would let a crown-wearing, sword-wielding frog rule the kingdom, as Arthur was about to turn into just that. The thought made him smirk openly.

Arthur found the little grin annoying. "I don't pay you to laugh. I pay you to be my manservant! Ideally, one that has some idea of what he's doing, but I'll take what I can get, I suppose." Now THAT wiped the smirk off his face, Arthur thought, although for some reason, insulting Merlin wasn't bringing him the pleasure it used to.

Merlin paused, slowly counting to ten. Sometimes he thought life would have been a lot easier if he hadn't stopped that knife. He sighed as he softly repeated an often-used mantra under his breath. "Other side of the coin... other side of the coin..."

"Why are you so quiet this evening?" asked Arthur. Usually I can't get you to shut up. The only other time I've seen you this quiet was when that cabbage hit you and nearly choked you."

The prince had been watching the spectacle when he saw the rotten cabbage hit Merlin in the mouth, and a flash of sympathy had shot through him as the young man wheezed, trying to breathe. Arthur had quietly ordered one of the castle guards to open the stocks and make sure Merlin was all right. After Merlin had stopped choking and could breath easily again, the guard locked him back in the stocks and the vegetables started flying once more.

"How do you know about that? I thought you were above watching a 'peasant's punishment,'" Merlin asked.

"Well, I do enjoy my entertainment, and I had a pretty good view from the walls of the castle. Otherwise, I wouldn't have bothered. After all, it's hardly a rare occurrence," the prince said in that frustrating off-handed way of his. He shifted in his chair, jaw set in a way that Merlin had come to recognize. He was in great pain, and refused to show it.

"Now, is my bath ready yet? I don't have all day", sniped Arthur.

Merlin finished preparing the bath by adding the soothing lavender oil he knew the prince liked. Normally he'd think it yet another of his "precious prince's" luxuries, but he'd been with Arthur at sword practice this morning. His master had fought against a particularly talented competitor, taking a serious blow to the back. One nasty enough that the castle blacksmith had to bend his armour back into position before Merlin could pry it off him. He glanced at the prince to make sure he wasn't looking, and warmed the bath with a gesture. Arthur irritated him to no end, but that didn't mean he wanted the prince to suffer unnecessarily.

"I'm sure the bath would be fine for anyone else, but I'm certain you'll find some problem to whine about", said Merlin. Both found the easy banter comforting. It felt like they had been sparring this way for a lifetime, instead of just a few weeks.

"Finally. Let's get on with it", the prince grumbled, taking off his shirt. His back was still speckled with his own blood from the earlier impact that afternoon. He gasped in pain as he finished taking off the rest of his clothes.

The young sorcerer winced, trying to picture what a life full of such injuries must be like, before averting his eyes as the now fully unclothed prince approached.

Arthur lowered himself into the steaming water, gasping softly as he slowly submerged until his shoulders were just above the waterline. He leaned forward and scooped up some of the water, slowly pouring it over his head, sighing softly as he did. The combination of oil and water made his golden hair slick and wet, little rivulets escaping to run down his glistening back. Cords of muscle knotted from tension were clearly visible, the new gash crosshatched by the scars Arthur had earned from life as a knight. For some reason, those scars made him even more beautiful to Merlin.

Merlin had always known he was "different." The villagers in his home town of Elador never let him forget it. They blamed him for the accidents that always seemed to happen when he was around. THAT secret was something he could only talk about with Gaius. The other "difference" he hadn't really discovered until he met Arthur.

Desperate to talk about these newly discovered feelings, he had turned to Gwen. Initially, she seemed disappointed, but quickly recovered. She had smiled and told him that there were other people like him, and he mustn't feel guilty or blame himself. Then she said "I'm really glad you told me, Merlin. Both because I'm so happy you trusted me enough to tell me this... and because Morgana now owes me a shilling." She smiled at him, a mischievous look on her face. Usually Morgana was right about most things, but not this time!

Merlin looked at her in shock. "It wasn't too hard to see, Merlin. You're hilariously clumsy when you're around him. Probably because you're watching him instead of where you're going." Both of them started laughing as they recalled the times Merlin had bumped into things, fallen down staircases, and otherwise lost his coordination.

Morgana happened to walk by at that moment, glancing at the two of them as she did. Gwen winked at her, and the King's ward rolled her eyes before tossing her maidservant a shilling. "Ah well, there's no accounting for taste, is there?" All three of them laughed together, content to share one another's company regardless of their social status.

An unhappy sound brought him back to the present.

The prince had grunted as one of the bruised muscles in his back started twitching. He lifted a hand from the steaming water and tried to reach it unsuccessfully. "Let me," said Merlin without a second thought. He grabbed the bottle of the lavender oil he had left beside the tub, and poured some into his palm, a bit of magic warming the oil as he started to massage the prince's back. Arthur purred with pleasure as the pressure increased.

Arthur's shoulders and back slowly began to unknot. The lavender and the clean, masculine scent of the prince blended in the steam. It was... intoxicating.

What could only be described as lust filled his mind, blocking out all other thoughts. His breathing became shallow and rapid, hands running over Arthur's clearly defined muscles. For a few minutes he was too distracted by the scent of the vapours to notice the prince's breathing mirroring his own. And then, as this realization came to both of them at the same time, Merlin felt Arthur's back go rigid. He glanced at the prince, shocked to discover his back wasn't the only thing stiffening.

Merlin cleared his throat softly, unable to speak. The massage must have distracted the prince, taken him back to some past experience with one of the "vapid, accursed ladies" in court that were always trying, and sometimes succeeding, to win his... personal attention. That must be it. Anything else was only wishful thinking.

"Excuse me, Sire. I should choose some clothes for you to wear this evening." He wiped his hands on the soft, white towel beside the bath, and walked over to the wardrobe.

Merlin kept his back to Arthur as he selected the clothes the prince would wear. He was very glad Arthur didn't own a codpiece. The thought sent shivers down his spine. That would definitely be a bit too much to handle... and that thought made him shiver more, given what he had just witnessed. Fate had blessed the prince with every advantage, and it seemed it hadn't short-changed him anywhere. He shook his head to clear his thoughts, and focused on the wardrobe again.

Unfortunately, he wasn't very good at telling which colours went together and which clashed. Most everything he owned was either brown or grey, except for the splash of colour from the scarf he always wore, which wasn't much of a problem. Pretty much everything went with his drab wardrobe.

Concerned about his inexperience with garments, he had gone to Morgana for advice earlier that day. She laughed, offering it freely. She pointed out that, after all, it was in her best interest. She didn't want the prince wearing Merlin's initial selection to the banquet. If he showed up wearing red, pink and orange, no one would be looking at her, she said with a wink. Of course, vain as he was, the prince would probably think everyone was admiring his good looks instead of the fashion nightmare he was wearing.

Merlin carefully picked the forest green silk shirt with dark brown leather pants and the black cloak lined with deep purple silk that Morgana had recommended. He heard a splash behind him as Arthur climbed out of the bath. Merlin spun around, his breath catching in his throat at the sight of the prince drying himself off carefully, not wanting to undo Merlin's ministrations. His eyes followed the now clean gash down Arthur's shoulders to the small of his back, and then lower... He closed his eyes and gulped audibly.

"Did you say something?" asked Arthur, turning his head to glance over his shoulder, looking uncomfortable.

"N-n-no, sire." The sorcerer walked over to Arthur, placing the pile of clothes on the chair previously occupied by the towel. He handed the silk shirt to the prince. Arthur took it, and slipped it over his shoulders carefully, his fingers fumbling with the buttons.

"Let me help you with that, Sire." Merlin pressed the folds of soft silk together and began to fasten them, starting with the button just under the prince's neck. As he finished the first one, he glanced up. The prince was staring at him, eyes slightly glazed, the arteries in his neck pulsing softly. Time seemed to slow in a way that, this time, Merlin wasn't responsible for. Neither said anything as Merlin's hands rested lightly on the prince's chest, buttons forgotten.

Arthur moved first, stepping back quickly, hands held carefully in front of him. Merlin, unable to pry his eyes from the prince's, frantically clutched at the pile of clothes on the chair beside him, grabbing the first piece of clothing that came to hand.

The... leather pants. They both looked at them, and then at each other, eyes wide. Arthur snatched them from him with a hand that really would have been more helpful if it had stayed where it was.

"I'll do..." Arthur's voice cracked. "I'll do the rest myself. You may leave now."

Merlin breathed a sigh of relief as he hurried out of the prince's room, both unaware of just how long the bath had taken.

* * *

The prince was surprised to discover that the banquet had started nearly an hour before. As he walked toward his seat at the head table, Morgana looked up and smiled, eyes sparkling.

"Uh-oh, what's she plotting now," he wondered. Strange things tended to happen to him when Morgana had that look.

Then his attention came to rest on his father, swirling the wine in his goblet, looking at him disapprovingly.

"When I schedule an event, I expect my son to be on time," the King said, his irritation clearly visible. "AND fully dressed." He tapped his crown lightly.

Arthur coloured as he realized his mistake. Perhaps this was why princes didn't dress themselves. "I'm sorry, father" he replied as he took his seat, eyes downcast.

"I don't want this to happen again. Do you understand?" the King said with a distinctly unpleasant tone.

"Yes, father."

"Very well." The King's mood lightened. "Then why don't we put this behind us and enjoy the fruits of Morgana's labour. I understand she has something special planned for us tonight."

At that moment, Merlin stumbled into the hall, his usual clumsiness evident as he walked to stand behind the prince. Arthur closed his eyes for a moment, wincing inwardly. The sight of Merlin wearing that humiliating hat no longer amused him. Not in the least. He could feel Morgana's eyes on him, fuming. She had never liked the manifestations of what she considered his "bloody good fun."

He couldn't recall when it had happened, but at some point his pleasure at embarrassing the young man had disappeared. He kept it up for appearances. After all, he had an image to maintain. But tonight, looking at the hat, the prince thought he couldn't feel any more ashamed. Then he remembered his first encounter with Merlin.

His face fell as he thought about how he had nearly broken the young man's arm. He was very thankful that all his future manservant had ended up with were a few bruises. And some time in a cell. Wondering if he would ever be released. Followed by some time in the stocks. Getting pelted by rotten vegetables.

And what had Merlin done to deserve all this? Merlin had committed an unforgivable crime. He had told Arthur to stop throwing knives at a terrified peasant. Arthur felt horrible. He grabbed the goblet in front of him and poured the contents down his throat, trying to dull his shame as quickly as possible.

* * *

A trumpet fanfare sounded as the meal started, servants appearing with dishes selected from all corners of the known world, accompanied by wines of exquisite vintage. The King was beginning to suspect that his treasury may have been visibly depleted by this event. But it was Morgana, after all. He always did have a soft spot for his ward. He tried each of the dishes she had selected. Glazed, roasted duck had always been a favourite of his. Something Morgana clearly hadn't forgotten.

The King sighed. Morgana remembered his favourite dishes without fail, and Arthur couldn't even remember his crown. Still, he was unequalled as a knight, and respected, if not well loved. All things considered, much could be forgiven.

As the meal finished, the servants began clearing the tables, and setting up small goblets in front of each guest. Morgana stood, motioning for silence. "King Uther, Prince Arthur, lords and ladies, I am pleased to offer you a rare treat tonight. Enjoy!" She clapped her hands, and servants materialized as if from nowhere, holding bottles of some of the finest liquors the kingdom had to offer.

The servants poured three goblets of liquor for each of the guests. The King sipped from each, the flavour of peaches, melons and mint blending perfectly. He nodded his approval to Morgana, and was rewarded with a respectful curtsey. The King did like his luxuries, although he never allowed himself to enjoy them to excess. Kings had responsibilities. As a servant moved to refill his goblets, he waved his hand over them, indicating he was finished.

He turned to ask Arthur's opinion on the mint liquor, a favourite he hadn't had in some time, and found his son had already finished all three glasses and was motioning for seconds. He furrowed his brows. Apparently even stilted conversation with his son wasn't going to happen tonight. He briefly wondered if he should send Arthur to Gaius for an examination. He really wasn't acting like himself.

Gradually, after several more hours, the banquet came to an end. As the royal party stood to exit the hall, Arthur lost his balance, falling back into his seat with a crash, clearly inebriated. His now empty goblets fell to the floor around him, smashing loudly as the hall fell silent. He looked up, and into the eyes of the King, now clouded with wrath. Uther held his son's eyes a few seconds longer before striding out of the hall. Arthur rose slowly, catching a sympathetic look from Morgana as they left the hall. Both knew what was coming.

In the corridor, Uther turned to face his son, face a mask of fury. "We will speak of this upon my return from the hunt the day after tomorrow. You will NOT be joining us. Attend me in the throne room at daybreak. And Arthur. Don't be late", the King glowered, voice as cold as ice.

He turned and strode down the corridor, cloak billowing behind him.

Arthur looked back toward the hall. Merlin was nowhere to be seen.

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To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

Not Now, Not Ever

CHAPTER 2

"Wha... ughhhh."

Morning was not kind to Arthur at the best of times. Today it was downright vicious. He sat up too quickly, his head reeling from the merciless hangover assailing him.

The prince recalled the vast amounts of alcohol he had consumed during the banquet. His face burned with humiliation as he remembered his shameful behavior. He couldn't even recall how he had managed to find his room last night. Looking down, he realized that wasn't the only thing he had forgotten. He was still wearing the clothes Merlin had chosen for him the previous evening. The cloak was wrapped around him like a blanket, silk lining torn from his thrashing during the night.

As he squinted, eyes starting to adjust to the cruel light streaming through the window, he noticed some clean clothes neatly folded and placed on one of the chairs. Merlin must have already been in his room that morning.

There was a soft knock at the door. "GO AWAY!" he shouted. A second later he groaned, fresh pain a reward for his volume.

"Good morning, Sire," whispered Merlin as he carefully opened the door making as little noise as possible. He was carrying a tray with breakfast. The thought of food made Arthur retch.

"Not now, you idiot!" he hissed, nearly deafened by the sound of his whispered order. "Get the hell out, and don't forget that tray."

Merlin's face crumpled at the insult. He retreated quickly, taking the offending tray with him. Arthur's eyes narrowed thoughtfully as he watched his manservant leave the room.

The prince leaned back in the bed irritated with himself. He shouldn't have snapped at his manservant. Merlin was doing a much better job than he did most mornings. That meant barely adequate, but Arthur was pretty much used to it by now. In fact at times he found it endearing. Merlin certainly wasn't the best servant in the world, but he had saved Arthur's life in the past at great risk to his own. And he did have those piercing blue eyes and that raven-black hair that seemed to gleam like ebony when struck by the sun... and those ears! He smiled for the first time that morning as he thought about how things had become much more interesting since Merlin entered his life. Merlin was truly different than anyone he had ever met.

The prince swung his legs over the side of the bed and tried to stand, nearly losing his balance in the process. For some reason his back was throbbing as much as his head. Ah yes, the injury. He touched the still-tender wound on his back carefully. Thankfully it hadn't been too deep, but he did seem to recall it hurting much more. As he became more aware of his surroundings he caught the scent of lavender still lingering in the room. That massage Merlin had given him in the bath must have helped. The bath... something about the...

Realization struck him and the colour drained from his face. His jaw dropped. "Oh, God," whispered the prince. He fell back onto the bed as if someone had cut a puppet's strings, head reeling from the epiphany more than the hangover. How could he have been so blind to his own feelings... his own desires.

Such relationships weren't outlawed in Camelot but they certainly weren't embraced either. Of course that hadn't stopped two of his knights from having a torrid affair, he reflected. But him? The crown prince? His thumped his head softly against the headboard. This can't be happening. It can't be. Not to him.

Arthur thought about the past few months since that fateful day he had first met Merlin. Things that had confused him started to make a lot more sense. He pushed himself up off the bed again, hands leaving marks on the sheets from the sweat that had soaked his palms. He needed to talk to someone; to get some perspective on this. But who?

His father, the King? Arthur's mouth flattened into a bitter slash. Not bloody likely!

Gaius? He trusted the court physician whom he expected would be only too happy to offer his support and advice. But no, he'd be far too embarrassed to talk about this with another man.

And the King's ward? He shuddered at the thought. What if Morgana didn't understand? Too awkward to even consider, given the fact that they'd probably end up sitting a few feet away from each other at the head table for the rest of their lives.

Arthur's eyebrows rose as the answer struck him. He stood up quickly and started towards the door deep in thought before he tripped over his own feet. The prince fell flat on his face, jaw snapping shut. He felt a cut in his tongue as his mouth filled with the taste of blood. "Gweat. Justh gweat," he muttered as he picked himself up. He could only pray this wasn't a portent of things to come.

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Merlin left the room with tears welling in his eyes as he stumbled down the hall oblivious to everything but his sorrow. He narrowly avoided another of the servants arranging a vase full of bright yellow roses on the shelf of one of the rich walnut credenzas carefully placed in an alcove in the wall. He also somehow managed to avoid the basket of flowers at her feet; the furniture wasn't so fortunate. As he bumped into it, dishes clattered on the tray he was carrying. Thankfully, they didn't fall. At least one lucky thing had happened this morning. The servant coaxed the credenza back into position and stooped to collect a few fallen petals. She picked up her basket and smiled at him as she walked away. Merlin's clumsiness was an ongoing joke in the castle, but he was easy on the eyes.

The young warlock sat the tray down on the floor and leaned against the wall, feeling the chill of the stone through his thin cambric shirt. Perhaps the only thing bothering the prince this morning was his hangover. If he was lucky Arthur would never recall what had taken place the previous evening. Unfortunately that was pretty unlikely. It would have required two lucky things to happen to him in the same day and that just wasn't going to happen. As he considered his options, lost in thought, the prince's door opened. Merlin ducked out of sight behind the credenza, barely fitting into the alcove. Taking great care to avoid being seen, he peeked around the edge of the furniture.

The prince paused to ask the flower-laden servant a question, wincing a bit as he dabbed at his tongue with a small purple piece of fabric. Satisfied with her answer he started walking down the long hallway towards Morgana's room. Merlin ducked back behind the credenza as the prince approached. He recognized the prince's footsteps as he passed by. After a long moment, he looked surreptitiously around the corner. Far down the hallway he saw Arthur stop in front of Morgana's door.

The prince looked uncomfortable. Whatever he was going to discuss with Morgana made him hesitate. He turned to walk back down the hall, clearly having second thoughts. Merlin pulled his head back just in time to avoid being seen.

"M'lord! A guard ran quickly toward the prince as he was about to knock on Morgana's door. "You're needed in the throne room immediately!" The man's shout made the prince's head spin, waves of pain striking anew.

Arthur spun towards the guard, snapping at him. "What is so important that I must stop what I'm doing 'immediately?'"

"Forgive me m'lord, but there's an emissary from Mercia awaiting an audience with the King. He says he bears a letter of great importance. He was ordered to hand it only to the King, but seeing as he's away on a hunt the emissary is willing to leave it with you.

The prince rolled his eyes. "Just a letter? It's never JUST anything when Mercia's involved. This better not take long, or this emissary is going to find his head on a pike," growled Arthur as he stomped down the hall towards the throne room. The guard rushed to catch up with him.

Merlin paused, the beginnings of a plan forming in his mind. He glanced around the credenza to make sure he couldn't be seen. The hallway was devoid of people. His eyes flashed like molten gold.

Gwen opened the door and looked down the hall. She was certain she had heard a sound outside Morgana's room. She saw Arthur and a guard turn the corner at the far end of the corridor. They must have made the noise as they walked by. The guards were equipped with helmets and all manner of weapons, and they did make quite a racket wherever they went.

Gwen was about to close the door when she saw a small yellow petal lying on the floor a few feet away. She walked across the hallway to pick it up. She was nothing if not fastidious. The cleanliness of the hallway restored, she returned to the room to continue her duties, a slight breeze ruffling her hair.

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Gwen opened the door at the sound of a knock and a few choice curses against anyone vaguely associated with Mercia.

The prince walked into the room without waiting for an invitation to enter. A blast of heat hit him in the face. He winced. Morgana always kept her room quite warm. Given the nearly diaphanous gowns she sometimes wore, it was pretty much necessary.

He walked over to the window hoping it would be a bit cooler there. As he did, he glanced around the room looking carefully for any sign of another person. He made sure to check behind the screen. He wasn't going to fall for THAT again. He stopped in front of the leaded glass panes as Gwen closed the door softly.

"Gwen, you must never discuss what I'm about to tell you with anyone! This is a royal command!" growled Arthur, still dabbing at his tongue with a small square of silk he had torn from his ruined cloak. At least the swelling had gone down. In the throne room, the emissary had taken offense, thinking Arthur was mocking his accent. The prince stuck out his tongue at the emissary to show him his wound. Actually, he had quite enjoyed that part. The look on the emissary's face was pure fury as he stormed out past the row of royal guards.

"Perhaps Morgana would be a better choice, my lord," Gwen said nervously. She fidgeted with the hem of her plain but well-made dress. Royal commands made her distinctly uncomfortable; she hadn't had much luck with them before. In fact, one such command resulted in her spending a few days in the dungeon and had nearly led to a horrible death by burning. She shuddered at the memory, and then turned her attention back to Arthur.

The prince stood with his back to her as he scratched softly at an imaginary spot on the window pane, apparently fascinated. "No," said the prince softly. "No, I need YOUR help." He turned back towards her, eyes not quite meeting hers.

"How may I assist you, my lord?" asked Gwen. Arthur had been behaving oddly over the past few weeks. Morgana noticed it first, of course. She had spent more than a few evenings discussing the subject with Gwen.

Arthur's hands twitched before he could control them. He clasped them together behind his back hoping to prevent it from happening again. "You know that I don't tolerate familiarity with servants very well; I just wasn't brought up that way. However, I don't need another servant now, I need someone to talk to." He paused, protocol warring with need on his face. "When we're alone you may call me Arthur."

Gwen's eyes widened slightly. Now she was certain there was something very wrong with the prince. "My lord... sorry... Arthur. What's troubling you?"

"I um, you see, I don't know how to tell, um, this thing that, uh...," Arthur stuttered, growing more embarrassed by the moment.

"Arthur," said Gwen, concern visible on her face. "I can't help you if you won't tell me what's wrong... You need to relax a bit. Please sit down. Perhaps you would like some wine?"

The prince recoiled visibly. Gwen was reminded of how much he had to drink the night before.

"Perhaps some water instead?" she asked.

"No, wine would be helpful," said the prince.

Gwen crossed the room, filling a goblet from the carafe of French wine Morgana always insisted upon having in her room. Gwen smiled. Much like the prince, Morgana could be a bit fussy at times. Occupational hazard, she supposed. She returned, handing the goblet to Arthur and sitting the carafe beside them on the ivory paneled side table.

"Thank you," he said, and drained the glass in a moment before holding it out again. Gwen refilled it, glad the prince was starting to look a little less uncomfortable. This time he took just a sip. Arthur turned towards the window, sunlight illuminating the beautiful angles of his face. They sat for an uncomfortable few minutes before Arthur took a deep breath and murmured, "Merlin's pretty special, isn't he?"

Gwen paused before answering, not quite sure where this was going. "Quite. Why do you ask?"

He paused for a moment, eyes downcast. "Because I think he hates me," he said finally.

Gwen thought about it for a moment. "I know it may not seem like it when you're sniping at each other but he's really very fond of you. I don't think he'd leave your service willingly if that's what you're concerned about..."

The prince glanced up at her with a look of absolute panic. The thought that Merlin might disappear from his life hadn't even occurred to him, and the realization of that distinct possibility upset him more than anything else had today.

Gwen saw the desperation in his eyes. What on earth could upset the prince this severely? She had seen him many times in the tournaments. This was a man who would joust against the best knights in any land without ever displaying the slightest hint of fear, and as he always said, servants were easily replaced. Surely he could... Realization slowly dawned on her. Oh... Oh! This was going to be delicate.

The prince saw the look of understanding in her eyes, and looked back down, unable to meet her gaze.

"Arthur," she said softly. "Your feelings aren't wrong. They really aren't."

"How can you say that?" Arthur moaned. He was beginning to think this whole discussion was a very bad idea. He stood up and stumbled a bit as he prepared to leave. Apparently the wine had relaxed him a bit more than Gwen had thought.

"Stop, Arthur!" she insisted.

Arthur paused and turned around slowly. "I gave you permission to call me Arthur, not give me orders Gwen," he said with a shadow of a smile. Gwen took some comfort in the small improvement.

"That's not what I meant Arthur, and I think you know it," she said. "This isn't some problem you can run away from. This one's deep in your soul and it's not going anywhere. Please sit back down and talk to me."

The prince ignored her request. "I just don't know what to do," he sighed. "Can you picture what my father would say?" He shuddered at the thought. "How can I possibly deal with this?"

Gwen glanced over his shoulder towards the thick oak door. "I think it's time we talk about this with Morgana. She's very wise, and she's your friend. You've helped her so much in the past, I know that she'd want to help you with this."

"I most certainly would," Morgana replied.

The prince spun around. Morgana stood in the doorway, the light from the hallway illuminating her like an angel in a tryptic.

"How long have you been there?!?" the prince demanded, his stentorian voice ringing with the tone of command that was his birthright; an effect sadly negated by his fidgeting.

"Long enough my dear, long enough," she sighed. She walked over to him and gave him a big hug. Arthur flopped back down into the comfortable wooden chair like a rag doll.

"How? How can this be happening to me?" he whispered. "Maybe it's some spell," he tried, grasping at straws. "Do you think it can be reversed?" he asked as he looked up at Morgana, desperation on his face.

"Yes. Yes it is a spell, Arthur." said Morgana as she looked at him, sadness evident on her face. "The spell's called love. It happens to the best of us and once it's cast no one can escape it's magic."

Arthur looked down and sighed. His hand trembled slightly as he pinched the bridge of his nose. "What am I going to do?"

Morgana paused, deep in thought. "Well for starters you could stop acting like a complete jackass. Treating him like rubbish isn't going to help matters one bit." She lowered herself into the chair beside Gwen, deftly arranging the folds of her dress.

"You mean treat him like an... equal?" asked the prince.

Morgana stayed silent until Arthur had fully considered this novel concept. He looked up at her again, a bit more hopeful than before.

"That might help a bit, but..." Morgana tried the direct approach. "Arthur, I think you need to ask Merlin a few questions."

"Although fewer than you might think," Gwen whispered softly as she looked carefully at Morgana.

"What's that supposed to mean?" asked the prince, now more nervous than either could remember seeing him in his entire life.

"I'm sorry Arthur but I can't discuss it with you. I would be breaking a confidence," Morgana said with a look of sorrow on her face; a rather manufactured look, actually.

"It is a subject that often comes up when we're alone," Gwen provided as she tapped her lower lip thoughtfully.

Arthur looked utterly confused. Where were they going with this? "I don't know what you..."

"My Lady, perhaps Arthur might be more comfortable if he stepped out of the room briefly. I also think it would be most helpful if he forgot to close the door," Gwen commented with a small smile.

Arthur looked perplexed for a few seconds before finally figuring it out. "I'm finding your room rather warm, Morgana. I think I'll just wait outside for a bit if you don't mind?" he asked as he grabbed for his goblet, splashing a bit of the wine on the carpet as he did. Very little wine, Morgana thought, given the way his hands were shaking. Even dulled by a hangover and the shock of his life his reflexes remained impressive. He walked quickly out of the room, glancing cautiously to the left and right as he did. There was no one in the hallway who could overhear. Morgana turned back to Gwen and nodded.

"My Lady, Arthur is the Crown Prince of Camelot. He's been blessed with every privilege... but one." She looked briefly uncomfortable, thinking about how to soften her impending criticism of the King. "Merlin has a very understanding and supportive parent. One who listened and comforted her son as he told her about his 'preferences' and the extremely annoying man he has come to..." She looked at Morgana for support.

"To love," Morgana said softly.

They both jumped at a loud crash from the hallway; the sound of the goblet hitting the floor. Gwen winced. Clearly she shouldn't have given him one worth enough to buy a small town.

Arthur slowly walked back into the room, his face pale. "I think I need to be alone for a while. I have... a lot to think about."

Morgana looked up at him and smiled. The ruined goblet was a small price to pay. "I think we'll accompany you back to your room. You seem a little shaky, and I wouldn't want the heir to the throne of Camelot to bounce down a flight of steps and end up crowning himself. I'd be quite disappointed. I have a hell of an evening planned for your coronation!" Even Arthur chuckled as they left Morgana's room, closing the door behind them.

A few moments after they exited, the air in a corner of the room started to glow, gradually intensifying into a blinding otherworldly silhouette. The light in the room returned to normal as as Merlin stepped beyond the boundary of the concealment spell.


	3. Chapter 3

Not Now, Not Ever

by JulieGee

CHAPTER 3

Merlin had slipped by Gwen into Morgana's room an hour before, cloaked in invisibility. He knew Gwen wouldn't be able to leave that petal in the hallway. The few seconds it took her to pick it up had given him the opportunity he needed to sneak by her.

He couldn't think... couldn't breath. His head was spinning and his emotions weren't much better. He wasn't sure what he had been expecting to overhear but it certainly wasn't this!

He waved a hand over the carpet absently and the few drops of wine that had fallen from Arthur's goblet disappeared. His elemental use of magic had prevented most of the prince's wine from sloshing out of the glass, but at the last moment he remembered to let a bit fall. A glass held sideways with its contents suspended perpendicular to the floor would arouse anyone's suspicions, and at the time he really hadn't needed anything else to worry about.

He'd have to see the prince again in a few hours at most and he needed to clear his head before then. He left the room deep in thought and walked aimlessly out of the castle. He wandered through the streets of Camelot in a daze, not caring where he was heading as long as it was away from Arthur.

A long walk always calmed Merlin. He sat on the ground in one of the parks, playing absently with a blade of grass. As he thought about his dilemma, he realized he had already made his choice. There really was only one decision he could live with.

* * *

Merlin stood in front of Arthur's door, heart pounding in his chest. "Now or never," he thought, trying to ignore the butterflies in his stomach. He tapped softly and for the second time that day he was greeted with a miserable "Go away!"

Merlin opened the door and saw Arthur sprawled on his stomach on the bed, face buried in his pillow. Except for his underwear, his clothes lay in a messy pile on the floor. Merlin's breath caught in his throat at the sight of the white fabric stretched taut against the prince's firm flesh.

Arthur jumped at the sound of the door opening, but didn't turn his face from the pillow. "What are you doing here? And why don't you ever obey? Are you even capable of it, YOU IDIOT?" Merlin knew Arthur wasn't in any mood to appear weak in front of his manservant. Not after today. Especially not today. Merlin closed the door softly.

"Capable of it? From time to time... when the situation warrants... you prat." Merlin said.

Arthur nearly jumped out of his skin at the comment. He had clearly assumed that Merlin would be on the other side of the door when he closed it. Too late he remembered why he had kept his face buried in the pillow, and now Merlin had seen the tears in his eyes. Arthur leapt up from the bed, turning red as he stalked towards Merlin. He crossed the room in seconds and stood inches away from the slight man; close enough that each could feel the heat radiating from the other. The light from the candles suited the prince well, softening the angular lines of his tear-streaked face, now twisted in anger. Arthur shouted, "WHAT HAVE I TOLD YOU ABOUT CALLING ME A PR..."

Merlin's patience finally ran out. Talking with Arthur hadn't worked. Neither had touching, although he would never forget that bath and the feel of Arthur's muscular chest through the silk as he struggled to do up the buttons. Emboldened by the new information he had overheard in Morgana's room he decided it was time for a very different approach.

Merlin grabbed Arthur, spinning him around and pushing him against the wall, hard. Arthur's eyes widened with shock. "How DARE you touch me without..."

Merlin closed the distance between them, their bodies now touching. He pressed his lips against Arthur's with force. His hand trailed down the blonde man's defined stomach past the waistband of his underwear, sliding down to grasp the hardening prince. The other hand slipped down past the small of his back, clutching the strong, rounded muscles. "He likes it rough," Merlin thought to himself, a smile playing at the corners of his lips. At first Arthur struggled against him which would have been comical at another time. The knight possessed about twice Merlin's strength, but he had gone weak in the knees from the unexpected contact. He could hardly remain standing much less fight someone off, and his heart wasn't really in it either.

Merlin pulled back and looked deep into his prince's eyes; eyes that were now full of both disbelief and hope. When he leaned in to kiss Arthur again there was no resistance. He felt Arthur relax against him as his hands reached into Merlin's hair, trying to pull him even closer. Both lost track of time as their tongues probed deeply, bodies reacting to each other as they grew almost painfully hard. The feel of Arthur's hands in his hair was ecstasy. It felt like their kiss could go on forever, and forever wasn't nearly long enough.

When they finally paused for a breath he saw Arthur looking at him, panting softly. Merlin smiled in that adorable way of his. He moved his hand from the prince's back to lightly intertwine their fingers, kissing them softly. The other hand stayed where it was. He just shifted position to grasp more firmly. The prince gasped, eyes widening. Merlin had dreamed of this for months. It was magical and this time his eyes weren't even glowing.

He pushed the blonde man against the wall again and heard the thunk of his back against the cold stone. The prince winced, reminding Merlin of the injury that had started all this. "Maybe a bit too rough," he thought. Merlin slowly dropped to one knee in front of the prince, the perfect image of the dutiful servant. He slid the underwear down Arthur's legs, and tickled his foot lightly. Arthur laughed in spite of himself. His foot snapped up as he tried to get away from the teasing fingers. Merlin slipped the underwear off his foot, and then did the same with the other one. He tossed the annoying article of clothing aside and looked up at the prince.

"What..." asked the prince.

"My job sire, just doing my job... I AM supposed to dress you after all. Undressing you should be part of the bargain."

Merlin's breathing sped up as he slowly lowered his eyes, pausing briefly to study Arthur's chest, and then his rock-hard stomach, and then his rock-hard... Any further thoughts Merlin might have had were immediately forgotten. He looked deep into the prince's eyes before taking him into his mouth slowly, sucking softly, swallowing him whole. His tongue slid up and down the formidable length, the tang of salt and the clean, musky scent nearly driving him mad with desire. He slipped his hands around Arthur's waist, pulling him closer.

Merlin had always adored music and had picked up the habit of humming when he was happy. He was VERY happy. Arthur's head snapped back against the wall at the sound more felt than heard. His hands clutched at Merlin's hair. The prince gasped, the sound followed by a moan repeated again and again. Merlin was thrilled with the reaction. The prince's soft sounds of ecstasy combined with his humming were like some kind of erotic chord, sweeter than any music he had ever known. He backed away slightly to release Arthur from his mouth, and then leaned forward, softly nuzzling Arthur's stomach. The heat of the prince's length resting against his neck was indescribable. He wanted him, needed him inside him again.

The sight of his manservant going down on him a second time was too much for Arthur. Merlin felt a slow pulsing start in his mouth. Arthur grabbed his ears and pulled him away, eyes feverish.

"Not yet... too soon!" The prince gasped, teetering on the edge of ecstasy. He desperately tried to focus on something else, anything else. Merlin was having none of it. Arthur hadn't pushed him away quite far enough. "First mistake," thought Merlin with amusement. His tongue shot out, licking the head of Arthur's shaft. That was all it took. The pulsing started again, inches away from his face.

"OHGOD, OHGOD...OH..." Arthur moaned loudly, hands now gripping Merlin's ears almost painfully. Merlin closed his eyes as one of his greatest fantasies came true. Arthur shot all over his face, some flying over his shoulder, landing on the floor behind him. As the prince's breathing slowed again, his hands released Merlin's ears. "And that's the second," Merlin thought wickedly. He swallowed Arthur whole again, delighted as he howled from the intensity.

There was a pounding at the door. "M'lord, is everything all right in there?" Arthur tried very hard to speak clearly, but his first attempt came out more like a squeak.

"M'lord, we're coming in!" shouted the guard. The sound of keys rattling in the lock focused Merlin's attention. He looked carefully away from Arthur, eyes flashing. The lock jammed. It gave Arthur the time he needed.

"I'm fine. Everything's... GO AWAY!" Merlin snickered. Arthur seemed to be saying that a lot today.

Silence followed broken a few moments later by a soft chuckle. "As you command, sire." They heard the sound of footsteps receeding down the hall.

Merlin stood up slowly, face still dripping. Arthur looked at him, leaned forward, and began licking his face clean, pausing to kiss the young man every so often. The taste was reward in itself but the prince had other rewards planned.

He began taking off Merlin's shirt. "I think I'll do your job, too. Seems easy enough," he said with a wink. He was wrong. After a minute or two his need overcame his patience. He ripped Merlin's shirt off, the offending buttons flying every which way.

"Careful, Sire," Merlin whispered. "That's the only shirt I have." He blushed softly, barely detectable in the candlelight. The reminder of their difference in station was difficult for him. While the prince could afford anything he desired, Merlin knew he had nothing to give but himself.

Arthur looked at him with amusement and then he saw Merlin blush. The prince had thought he was joking. "Merlin, after that... you can have my whole wardrobe. Bloody hell... you can even have my sword if you want."

THAT clearly didn't help. Merlin raised his eyes as he mustered his pride. "I'm not a whore, sire," he said, now bright red from shame. "Plus, I'd look pretty funny wearing your velvet doublet while I muck out the stables... and I've already taken your sword," he said, glancing down to clarify his point. He tried to smile but it never quite reached his eyes. He was trying to make light of a situation that deeply upset him.

The prince cringed. "I'm sorry, Merlin. That really wasn't what I meant. And if you won't accept a present from me I'll have to find some other way to reward you..." he said. He kissed Merlin's neck softly. This time Merlin's smile was genuine. "But first things first," the prince said. Arthur carefully removed the young man's pants and folded them before placing them on the table, followed by his underwear and his shoes. He had waited so long that the delay felt like a day in the dungeon. He decided it was an appropriate punishment for his insensitivity.

His task complete, Arthur knelt in front of Merlin and took him quickly into his mouth. Merlin wasn't quite as "blessed" as Arthur, but that didn't stop the prince from gagging. Try as he might he couldn't quite block the reflex. He looked up, embarrassed.

"Don't worry. It takes practice," Merlin said with a comforting smile. "I've gone through a lot of carrots since I met you," he said as he affectionately scratched Arthur's head.

"So have I," Arthur said.

Merlin looked confused. "But..."

He looked up at him, oddly shy. "I've had my share of women, but I haven't... ahem. So, I thought maybe it would be better if..." Arthur stuttered, blushing crimson.

Merlin stopped smiling as lust filled every inch of him. "We don't have to do this now, Arthur," Merlin whispered. "We have all the time in the world."

"It feels like it's already taken all the time in the world. I don't want to wait a second more. Please, Merlin... Please. Don't make me wait any longer," he said as he took his manservant's hand and kissed it, looking hungrily into his eyes.

The sight of the Crown Prince of Camelot on his knees begging was like nothing Merlin had ever experienced before. His heart hammered in his chest. He could hear the pounding of his pulse and felt lightheaded from desire. Arthur stood and led Merlin to the bed. His hand found the bottle of oil in the drawer of his nightstand. As he opened it the light scent of lavender reached them both. Their memories of that fateful bath snapped fresh into their minds.

"You'll never have to ask me twice again," Merlin growled, voice husky with passion. "Lie down."

Arthur lay down on the soft sheets and looked up at Merlin, batting his eyelashes seductively. The sight of his perfect body was more than Merlin could handle. "No," he whispered. He grabbed the prince's shoulder and flipped him onto his stomach. "It'll be easier for you the first time."

He slicked his hand with oil and delicately inserted a slender finger into Arthur.

The prince moaned and then blushed again. "I haven't really gone very deep. I'm not sure... OH!" he gasped, a look of shock on his face. "What the hell was... MMPH!" he gasped again. Merlin slid a second finger inside Arthur, pressing against the soft flesh, targeting just the right spot. "What are you... UNGH!"

"I'm just full of surprises today, aren't I?" Merlin whispered in Arthur's ear, eyes burning with desire. He twisted his two fingers inside him, spiraling slowly in and out. The prince's breath came in ragged gasps. His back arched as he grabbed the poles at the top of his four-poster bed, knuckles turning white with the pressure.

"Do you want me to stop?" asked Merlin carefully.

"No more," whispered Arthur, on the edge of babbling incoherently.

"Like I said, we can wait for as long as you want."

"NO... more," he gasped again.

"Um, I'm not going anywhere... We don't have to stop," said Merlin.

"NO... MORE!" Arthur yelled, eyes filled with frustration, desperately willing Merlin to understand.

"Ah! More!" Merlin whispered. He reached out and grabbed the oil from the side table, slicking himself with the silky liquid. He straddled Arthur, barely able to control himself. "You're sure?"

"I can... take it," the prince murmured bravely.

"Arthur," purred Merlin, "The goal isn't to take it. The goal is to LOSE it," he said as he slid deep inside him. Arthur's back arched again, accompanied by the sound of a loud "crack." Merlin looked up, shock on his face. "Oh, nooooo! I broke you!"

Arthur laughed softly. "That wasn't my back, idiot," he said affectionately, wiggling the fingers on one of his hands.

Merlin looked at the prince's hand. In the intensity of the moment Arthur had snapped the thick walnut post he had been gripping.

Merlin chuckled. "Now that's going to be hard to explain tomorrow morn... ohhhhhh," Merlin moaned as Arthur tightened around him, a mischievous look on his face. Merlin was now beyond caring. "So tight... so tight..." He grabbed the prince's blond hair, biting his ear as he thrust faster and faster. The feeling was so intense it wiped all thought from Arthur's mind. His vision started to sparkle before he remembered to breath.

Merlin regained control just long enough to slide all the way out. "I think it's time we tried something else," Merlin whispered, as he pushed himself off Arthur's back. Arthur whimpered, clearly disappointed by this turn of events. Without Merlin inside him he slowly started to tighten again.

"Turn over," Merlin commanded.

"I thought it was easier the other way," said Arthur.

Merlin smiled. "It is, but I'll be gentle."

Arthur was more than willing. He flipped over quickly. Merlin lifted his muscular legs and supported them on his slender shoulders as he moved into position.

Arthur's face was damp with sweat, his blond hair clinging to his forehead. Merlin looked deep into the prince's eyes as he positioned himself. "Ready?" he asked. Arthur nodded with a bit of trepidation.

The sorcerer slid back in, stretching him, plunging deep inside him before withdrawing again. Arthur's hands gripped the sweat-stained sheets as he gasped with pleasure. Merlin repeated his thrust over and over, varying depth, speed and frequency. Arthur had no idea what was going to happen next. He gave up, surrendering control completely for the first time in his life. As they continued, Merlin saw a flicker of something in the prince's eyes.

"Is everything OK?" he asked, concerned.

Arthur let go of the sheets long enough to gesture weakly at the bottle of oil. Merlin smiled knowingly as he grabbed the bottle and slicked himself again. The prince sighed with relief as Merlin slid inside him without friction. Merlin paused there as Arthur regained his breath. Drops of sweat fell from his hair and onto Arthur's face. He licked them away as he slowly started to thrust again.

Arthur's deep blue eyes lost focus as he moaned softly. Satisfied the prince wasn't concealing any pain, Merlin closed his eyes and kissed him deeply, tongue probing his mouth, complementing the already existing rhythm. He shifted his weight onto one arm, tracing a thin line of sweat down Arthur's neck with his finger, and then lower onto his chest. His fingers circled the prince's erect nipple, slowly spiraling inward. Arthur's hands clutched weakly at Merlin's back, fingernails leaving faint tracks in his manservant's pale skin. Merlin pinched lightly, delighted at Arthur's sharp intake of breath. His fingers caressed his lover's chest as their eyes locked, their bodies now moving in unison like they had been doing this for a lifetime.

One of Arthur's hands moved down his back, clutching at him, guiding him. Merlin's thoughts were fragmented by pleasure, but one kept repeating clearly. "He trusts me so much. He trusts me with his life, with his body, with his... love." Looking into his eyes he knew Arthur thought the same. He moved his mouth to Arthur's neck, sucking softly. The prince moaned again, every inch of him aflame with pleasure. Neither knew how much time went by as they reveled in one another's beauty. Neither cared. All that mattered was they were together as they were always meant to be.

Sometimes destiny is a burden to be borne. Sometimes it can break your heart. But sometimes, shared between the right people, destiny can free the soul and let it soar higher than it ever might have alone; a destiny sovereign in its power, resplendent in its restraint, liberating both through its bondage.

As Merlin reached the point of no return, their motion slowed. He thrust deeply, crying out Arthur's name in ecstasy.

The feeling of liquid warmth pulsing inside him was too much for the prince. As he teetered on the edge for the second time that evening Merlin thrust one last time, striking the swelling spot deep within.

Arthur shook as if having a seizure. His eyes rolled back into his head. His mouth opened and closed without a sound as his nails raked down Merlin's back. After several impossibly long seconds he screamed, the intensity of the experience beyond anything he had ever experienced or even thought possible, a warm wetness slowly spreading between them. As the prince's breathing slowed, Merlin slid off him and flopped onto his back, completely spent.

They both heard giggling coming from the hallway. Arthur looked up at the door, eyes wide as he struggled to focus. "Morgana and Gwen, you wicked little..." he said through clenched teeth.

Merlin laughed softly. "They're responsible for... us. Don't begrudge them their fun."

They curled up in each other's arms tenderly. The prince was conscious long enough to ask the one question he most needed the answer to. "Promise you won't leave me?" he asked sleepily.

Merlin gazed at Arthur and softly tousled his beautiful blonde hair. "Not now, not ever," he whispered. The prince smiled and promptly fell asleep, head resting on the pillow still damp from their sweat and his earlier tears. Within moments Merlin was asleep as well.

A few hours later, as the grey light of dawn crept across the floor, neither woke at the sound of a key turning in the lock.

* * *

**A/N:** I'd love some reviews of the story so far, and particularly this chapter as it's the first sex scene I've ever written. I'd like to know if people like it or not, as I can't quite bring myself to use... well, explicit language. Does the lack of this weaken the chapter, or do my descriptions make up for it? Thanks!


	4. Chapter 4

Not Now, Not Ever

Chapter 4

"MY GOD, ARTHUR!"

Arthur snapped awake in an instant, hand lashing out for his sword. Unfortunately, Merlin was in the way. The young man took a nasty blow to the side of the head. "OW! What the hell was that for, you GIT?" yelled Merlin, shaking his head, eyes closed against the pain.

What? His sword wasn't where it was supposed to be and Merlin was lying in bed beside him. The wheels were turning pretty slowly today. Then he looked up and saw his father.

King Uther stood before them, white as a sheet, trembling with shock and rage. Two of the King's guard held their positions behind Uther, trying to look anywhere but at the bed.

"When I told you I expected you and your queen to rule Camelot after me, HE WAS NOT THE KIND OF QUEEN TO WHICH I WAS REFERRING!" the King raged.

"You KNOW I am an enlightened ruler. I judge my men based on their courage, their loyalty and their status. If I didn't, would my guard include the two men behind me? The men protecting my back? THE MEN I TRUST WITH MY LIFE?"

The two young knights blushed furiously as they tried to look as unobtrusive as possible. To their credit, their eyes never stopped scanning the room and hallway for threats to the King.

"I'll admit it's a challenge, but if I try hard enough, I can envision a time when two men might rule the kingdom. But to choose a COMMONER? And one that would DARE SPEAK TO YOU... TO MY SON... IN SUCH A MANNER!" Uther started sputtering again. One of the guards grabbed a passing servant and whispered frantically in her ear. She took off down the hall at a run, flowers flying everywhere.

Merlin wasn't a coward. He had faced down witches, monsters, and cruelly thrown vegetables without quailing. But the King's face... he was terrified. He could barely control his panic. If he failed the results might be unpredictable, but the outcome would certainly be catastrophic. He opened his mouth to try to explain.

The King drew his dagger in one smooth motion and pointed the tip of the razor-sharp blade at Merlin. His voice was so soft it was barely audible. "Speak one word and I'll cut out your tongue."

Merlin's jaw snapped shut. For once in his life he stayed quiet.

Arthur didn't. He leapt off the bed and knocked the dagger out of the King's hand.

"HOW DARE YOU!" screamed Arthur. "How dare you enter my chambers and threaten me and the one I have chosen! HAVE YOU NO HONOUR?" Merlin winced. Somewhere in the castle, someone might have failed to hear their argument... if that someone had been deaf. He heard the scuff of slippers running down the hall towards them.

Arthur and the King stood facing one another, breathing heavily. The King's guards had moved their hands to their hilts as Arthur advanced but hadn't drawn yet. The situation was in danger of escalating rapidly.

Merlin looked at Arthur's unclothed body. The prince's hands were clenched, shoulders wracked with strain, chest heaving with fury. Arthur Pendragon was... magnificent. Greek gods would have envied his beauty. The guards quickly moved aside as Morgana flew into the room followed by Gwen. Morgana placed herself between the two men, grasping Uther's shoulders.

Gwen tripped and fell at Arthur's feet. She shook her head and blinked as she looked up at him. "Oh, my!" she gasped. Merlin wasn't the only one with an appreciation for beauty. A second later she remembered why she was there. "Don't do this, Arthur", she begged as she grabbed his wrist, a look of desperation in her eyes.

Both men looked at the young women, their focus broken. A long moment passed. The King stepped back to study Gwen curiously. "Tell me, Arthur. Is there a servant in Camelot who doesn't call you by your first name?" He turned towards the guards and said "Bring the boy," before stalking out of the room.

One of the knights advanced on Merlin as the other immobilized Arthur, the tip of his sword cutting shallowly into the prince's chest. A small trickle of blood flowed from the cut, following the curves of his masculine frame.

"Don't Arthur," Merlin pleaded. "They're going to take me anyway. Don't make them hurt you more."

The Knight carefully took Merlin's arm and pulled him from the bed. Gwen picked up the young man's pants and shirt and tossed them to him. The guard paused a few seconds to let him put them on. He didn't know how this was going to turn out but hurting Merlin was sure to anger Arthur further, and he had no wish to see the Crown Prince skewered on his partner's sword. THAT was surely a career-limiting move. As he turned to follow the King, the other knight stayed focused on Arthur, eyes following the thin trail of crimson trickling down his chest, transfixed by his beauty. This earned him an irritated glance and a cuff on the ear from the first. The knight turned and left sheepishly, closing the door behind him.

After breathing a sigh of relief, Morgana and Gwen glanced at Arthur appraisingly. Arthur looked back, confused by the reaction of the knight and the two women.

"Put some clothes on Arthur," sighed Morgana.

Finally understanding, the prince grabbed at the pile of clothes on the floor and started pulling his pants on quickly, giving a series of rapid orders as he did. "Gwen, go to the stables and tell the stable boy to prepare my horse. I want it ready in five minutes. Run like the wind," the prince commanded. He turned to Morgana. "Get my sword and your bow and meet me in the courtyard. One thing the guards won't expect is a horse galloping into the throne room. It might buy us enough time to get Merlin out."

Morgana didn't even try to hide the fact that she clandestinely owned her own weapon. They needed to rescue Merlin and get him out of Camelot fast. Given the King's mood, if Arthur failed the young man would most likely be executed within the hour, not the next morning. Arthur could almost hear his father's justification. "Disobedience must be punished! You brought this on yourself... and him."

-------------------------------------------

The King walked towards Merlin, his face a mask of fury. "You realize I must make an example of you," he said as he touched the tip of his dagger to his fingertip absently, a drop of blood welling at the featherlight contact. The guards in the throne room looked on in shock. The young man would likely be dead in moments. One tried to reason with the King.

"Sire, please reconsider..." The Kings glance froze his blood, the message clear. He would be next if he interrupted his ruler again.

In his terror Merlin was about to defend himself the only way he knew how, although he was certain he would never survive the group of guards in the room. Any hesitation they felt would be eliminated once the King was under attack by a sorcerer. He began to feel a familiar warmth behind his eyes beyond his ability to control.

Then everyone in the throne room jumped at the sound of a deafening explosion followed by the scream of a horse. Cries pleading for help followed seconds later. They ran to the windows and witnessed a terrible sight. Part of the castle wall had fallen inward and Arthur lay on the ground, his legs pinned by a huge block of stone from the damaged wall. Merlin and the Uther flew down the steps together, the young man's terror and the King's murderous rage forgotten for the moment. The guards followed at a run, their heavy armour slowing them down. Warning bells began to toll throughout the city and surrounding countryside, informing the few that hadn't heard the explosion that something was horribly wrong. A few of the castle's denizens ran toward the choking smoke.

---------------------------------------------------

The Mercian assassin grinned wickedly. His plan had worked perfectly. Arthur was a bit early for his scheduled training with his knights, but no matter; the result was the same. The explosive he had concealed in his saddle and smuggled onto the wall last night had done its job, although he did feel a bit bad about Arthur's horse. The scream had been horrible, but at least it had been crushed almost instantly. Regardless, his mission had been clear. Assassinate the King or in his absence the Crown Prince. Arthur had earned his death with his earlier insolence. The assassin reached into the pouch at his waist and drew out a golden ball of light. He threw it into the air and watched as it sped across the sky and out of sight. The Mercian paused; this was just too much to hope for. He drew his throwing knife as his other target ran into the courtyard. "Two birds with one stone," the killer whispered. He took aim and threw the poisoned blade. As it left his hand, the wall shifted. The dagger missed the King by inches. He drew a second dagger. Now that he had factored in the instability of the wall, he would not miss again.

-----------------------------------------------------

Dust from the explosion filled the courtyard, partly obscuring their vision. As the King and Merlin sprinted toward Arthur a knife flew by embedding itself in the cobblestones of the courtyard. Merlin tripped over it. The King looked up and saw the assassin about to throw another dagger. He would not miss twice. The wall stood at a steep angle, mortar chipping away slowly. The King took some small comfort in the fact that he wouldn't live long enough to witness his son crushed by the rubble. As the assassin was about to throw the blade, a red-striped arrow bloomed in his chest, followed by a second a moment later, and then a third through his left eye. He went limp before falling from the top of the shifting wall.

The King looked toward the source of the arrows. A breeze wafted some of the smoke away from the other end of the courtyard. It revealed Morgana, hair flowing behind her, bow in hand like Artemis. The King thought she had never looked more beautiful. Gwen, her loyal naiad, reached behind her back and handed Morgana a fourth striped arrow from her quiver. She always tried to make everything as beautiful as possible. The fourth arrow was no longer necessary. The Mercian was dead before he hit the ground. Morgana dropped the bow and ran to help the King, Gwen following a moment behind.

At that moment the rest of the wall crumbling above Arthur fell inwards.

Merlin couldn't care less about the consequences. His eyes flashed gold as a bolt of azure light shot from his hand. A glowing web formed around the stones and slowed their fall, finally stopping them a few feet above Arthur's head. Merlin was a powerful sorcerer, but holding seventy tons of stone was too much for him. He staggered backwards, hand shaking from the effort, legs giving out. As he was about to fall to the ground, a strong arm supported him from behind. "Hold on. Please hold on," Uther gasped, grabbing Merlin's hand with his free one, holding it up. The King was well versed in the nature of spells. He simply despised them.

The guards finally arrived, armour clanking. The display of sorcery froze them in position like an awful tableau. The knights who had been waiting in the courtyard to begin their training were already under the wall trying to move the stone pinning Arthur. One of them yelled at the guards for help. The cry got their attention. The King's guards ran to the wall and all of them grasped the stone.

"Pull!" shouted a knight. They all pulled together, trying to shift it as the collapsing wall hovered over them. The stone made a creaking sound, but moved not in the slightest. A terrible cry came from one of the knights as his gauntleted hand was broken by a falling chunk of mortar; just a speck of dust compared to the stones hovering above them. He continued trying to move the stone pinning his prince with his one remaining hand.

The knight's scream shocked the others arriving in the courtyard into action. They ran to help. Men, women, servants, nobles. All pulled on the stone which slowly began to shift.

"A minute more... just a minute more...," one of the stable boys screamed at the King, propriety forgotten.

"Another minute... too heavy... I can't hold it for another minute," Merlin gasped, tears running down his face as he thought of a life without Arthur. The beam started to dissipate.

A curse sounded behind them as Gaius tumbled into the courtyard, having fallen down the stairs in his haste. He dragged himself towards Merlin and the King. Gwen and Morgana left the King's side and helped the physician up, half carrying him back across the cobblestones towards the sorcerer and the King. When they finally reached the two men and saw Merlin's face, they all gasped in unison, their horror absolute.

Merlin was shaking violently now, blood pouring from his nose and ears; a lot of blood. His eyes were still glowing, but instead of gold, they were now tinted a bright orange from the scarlet liquid flowing from them as well.

Gaius knelt beside them, soaking his robe in the pool of blood growing larger by the second. He whispered into the King's ear unable to speak louder. He was still gasping from the wind knocked out of him by his fall. "He can't... do it by himself... He can't... You must allow me..."

Uther looked at him in horror. "No. You can't ask me to do this. Please! Holding him up is one thing. Giving permission to use magic... you ask too much!"

Gaius regained his breath. "I'm not asking you. Fate forces your decision. You've already lost a wife to sorcery. Would you lose a son because of your hatred of it?" The pain for his friend was etched into his face.

The King held Gaius' eyes for a second more before nodding. Gaius started murmuring softly. Merlin listened to the familiar cadence. His eyes widened as he turned to glance at the physician. Morgana and Gwen stood beside the men, feeling helpless. Then Morgana stumbled backwards in shock, tumbling to the ground as Gwen's hand shot up to cover her mouth. Gaius' eyes... his eyes were golden. His voice grew more confident as he cast the spell. Merlin felt the flow of power augmenting his own. The beam grew in strength and the web solidified.

"I think..." Merlin's comment was interrupted by a cough that sent bloody spittle flying onto the cobblestones. "I think I'm going to have a lot of explaining to do," he said to Uther, neither caring about the breach of etiquette that would have enraged the King only minutes before.

As Gwen helped Morgana to her feet, they turned toward the collapsed wall, a loud creaking noise drawing their attention. The beam started to falter again, and the pile of stones dropped several inches. A strangled gasp drew their attention back to Merlin and the King.

Gwen gasped, her eyes widening in horror. "Their hands!" Smoke was rising from Merlin and the King's clasped and shaking hands as the tips of their fingers began to char, blue light crackling around them. Their flesh peeled back, white bone showing through. Morgana tore off her sleeve, moving to cover their smoking hands and hopefully slow the terrible burns. She was stopped by Gaius' shout. "Don't touch them! You'll interrupt the magic and kill them and everyone under the wall!" She staggered backwards into Gwen's arms, retching uncontrollably as she saw a piece of blackened flesh fall from their fusing hands.

One of the Knights screamed, "Now! Everyone pull now!" The stone began to shift, gradually freeing the Prince's legs. One of the ladies of the court, strength magnified by the adrenalin coursing through her veins, dragged an unconscious Arthur from under the rubble. Everyone let go of the stone, and crawled out from under the hovering remnants of the wall.

"He's out! Everyone's out!" the lady screamed. Two of her fingernails remained embedded in the prince's armour. Merlin and Gaius released the web. The sorcerer and the King fell back, their hands fused together. The King's crown clattered to the ground beside them before spinning to a stop.

The last thing Merlin heard before passing out was Gaius yelling, "Quickly! I can help them. Carry them to my chambers and they might yet live." Merlin's last thoughts as light began to fade was "Arthur's safe." A shadow of a smile crossed his blood-streaked face as he lost consciousness.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N**: Normally I don't use author notes, but it's important readers understand that this is a **very angst filled chapter**.

If you're bothered by this, **please don't read it**.

* * *

And a big thank you to everyone who has reviewed my story so far. I really appreciate the feedback. Please let me know what you think about this chapter. It was... painful to write. That should be the strongest warning of all.

* * *

Not Now, Not Ever

Chapter 5

by JulieGee

* * *

"Merlin, can you hear me?" Gaius whispered as he patted the side of Merlin's face lightly.

Merlin wasn't aware of much, but he knew he didn't want to wake up yet. As he reached up to try to stop the annoying tapping a jolt of pain shot through his arm, cutting him off in mid-yawn. A gasp rose in his throat, but didn't escape. His mouth was dry and he was thirstier than he could remember being in his entire life.

A soft voice said, "Here Merlin, try to drink a bit." He felt a sponge on his lips, and eagerly drank the drops of water. He recognized Gwen's voice. She was giving him the water. She seemed to do that quite a bit, his muddled brain recalled.

As he began to regain consciousness he recalled the accident. Panic shot through him as he realized someone was lying beside him in the bed. The light scent of cloves permeated the air. Cloves? Arthur hated the scent of cloves. He barely tolerated the mulled wine served at the winter banquets. The prince usually had a faint scent of lavender about him. Certainly not cloves...

"Arthur?" he asked softly. He coughed as the word stuck in his parched throat.

He heard a soft chuckle beside him. "It's pronounced Ooother."

Merlin gasped. He tried to sit up, but a tug on his hand sent more pain than he had ever felt in his life up through his arm. He heard himself and the King scream in unison as he passed out from the pain.

* * *

Arthur sat in his room alone. The shades were drawn, and no candles burned. Darkness was his only companion. He had the mirrors in his room removed the day after the assassination attempt. He could no longer look at himself.

He had hardly left his room in the past month unless it was to go directly to Merlin's side. The first two weeks were a nightmare. Each day as he watched the man he loved, the man who had saved his life at such cost to his own, it seemed as if Merlin was fading away before his eyes. Gaius tried to help, tried to engage him in conversation, but he wouldn't speak a word.

Morgana also tried to talk to him. She shouted, she cried, she waved her arms around, but he simply didn't respond. He refused to eat, wasting away to a shadow of his former frame. His room was filthy and he wasn't much better. Morgana would have turned to the King for help but he was still unconscious as well. In his absence, Arthur supposedly ruled. No one could order him to do anything, no matter how much they might have wished to. His friends tried to get him to bathe, or at least change his clothes; he wore the clothes he had been wearing during the accident. He refused to remove them.

He looked a bit better now, though. Gaius had managed to convince him that Merlin would not be happy if he woke up and saw him in that condition. He started eating again and bathing more frequently. He still didn't care about food, but at least the hot water removed the scent of stale sweat and grief. He reeled every time he smelled the lavender, but he knew Merlin liked it so he used it anyway.

The only person he had shown the slightest interest in was Gwen, and only when she brought him an update on Merlin's condition. The guards knew to let her into his chambers immediately. At the slightest delay he would have sent them away, and the despondent Crown Prince was in no condition to defend himself. At this point he probably would have thrown himself on an assassin's sword and been thankful for an end to his suffering.

Then, in the middle of the unspeakable hell his life had become Gwen appeared like an angel. "He's awake," she gasped, winded from running to his room.

He leapt from the chair and ran down the hall, crashing into a credenza in his haste. Gwen caught the vase as it toppled and ran to tell Morgana.

The castle staff had taken to bowing their heads and lowering their eyes as Arthur passed them in the hall on his way to visit Merlin. They had not been told to do so, but the actions simply seemed appropriate. They respected his privacy and sorrow, but now, as they watched the prince run down the hall, they looked at him with hope.

* * *

The same annoying tapping brought Merlin back to consciousness again a few hours later, his thoughts much clearer this time. "Uther?" he asked, reaching for the first memory to come to mind.

"No, Arthur's here," a soft voice said from the other side of the bed. He turned his head toward the source. He realized that Gaius was sitting on the edge of the bed. He smiled at his mentor before turning to Arthur. A slight scent of lavender reached him and he grinned.

"Arthur, are you all right?" Merlin's voice was much clearer. They must have given him more water while he was unconscious.

Arthur was silent. Gaius said, "He's fine. The stone pinned his leg. It didn't crush it. He was very lucky. Well, very lucky to have you there to save him. Do you remember yet?"

"A bit. Yes... YES!" Merlin said. "There was an explosion. The castle wall fell. I..." his brow furrowed. "We... held up the wall. They got Arthur out in time. Is everyone else safe?"

Gaius smiled. "Yes, a few broken bones but otherwise everyone's fine. Leave it to you to ask about them before yourself." He ruffled Merlin's hair affectionately.

The young man fell silent for a few seconds. "And how am I?" he asked.

"Not well, I'm afraid," the physician said sadly. "Your hand was badly damaged. There was too much power flowing through it. I helped, but you took the brunt of the flow. You and Uther, that is. He helped support you so the spell wouldn't fail. Your hand and his... they burnt badly and fused together, but your hand was damaged far worse. You would have lost it if Uther hadn't permitted me to use magic to heal you as best I could. It was... difficult to convince him. If you hadn't been the one to save Arthur I think he would have chosen to lose his own hand instead of giving me permission."

Gaius paused before continuing. "That wasn't the worst of it. You lost a massive amount of blood. For more than a week, we weren't even sure if you'd live. Your eyes were also damaged by the energy of the spell. Merlin, can you tell me what you see?"

Merlin looked around the room. "Nothing. I can't see anything. It isn't dark. There just isn't anything there."

Gaius slumped. "Nerve damage, I'm afraid. Your vision may return in time but it seldom happens in cases this severe. The blood trickling from your ears didn't stop until a few days ago. Your hearing doesn't seem to have been as badly effected as your vision, although I expect it may never be as good as it used to be. I wasn't sure you'd be able to hear at all until you answered me today.

"Can I see... feel my hand?" Merlin asked.

"Of course. I took off the bandages while you were unconscious. Uther was well enough to leave. He's in his chambers recuperating further."

Gaius gently lifted Merlin's hand. What remained of his fingers were still fused and locked in a claw-like shape. As he touched it with his good hand he gasped as another wave of pain flowed through him. He closed his eyes as he tried to remain conscious.

Gaius sat his hand down gently. "I removed the blackened skin and the charred bones, but I'm afraid it won't heal further."

Merlin looked... content. A big smile crossed his face. "Arthur's alive. It's a small price to pay." He looked toward the prince again with unseeing eyes.

"Arthur?" he asked, but there was still only silence. Merlin turned to Gaius. "Arthur didn't get burnt by the magic, did he?"

"No, he's fine. His leg has nearly healed. I'll be able to take off the splints in a few days," the physician said.

Merlin turned back to Arthur, confused. "Then why won't he talk to..."

Merlin's voice was cut off by a ragged breath. Arthur started sobbing, his soul wracked with a pain far deeper than any physical injury could have caused. A month of guilt and grief poured out of him as he sat beside Merlin. He rested his elbows on his knees and held his head in his hands, convulsing with anguish, all composure destroyed by his suffering.

He had promised himself he would be strong. He didn't want to cause Merlin any further pain, but as Gaius told Merlin of his injuries... blind and partially deaf, his hand crippled. The sight of his lover looking at him with unseeing eyes, and then the shock of seeing him smile in spite of it. To hear him say it was all worth it without a second thought... all worth it to save him. Arthur was in agony, unable to bear the horrible price Merlin had paid to save his life. He threw back his head and let out a terrible cry. It echoed through the palace, and tore at the hearts of all who heard it.

Morgana and Gwen stood in the doorway holding each other, shaking as tears flowed down their cheeks. Gaius had told them Arthur wouldn't heal until he dealt with his guilt, but it was hard for them to believe the shattered prince would ever recover. They left quietly, unseen by either of the men.

The sound of Arthur's cry nearly broke Merlin's heart. He reached out to the prince and rested his good hand on his knee. He could feel tears falling on it.

"I'll leave you two alone," the physician said, as he stood and left the room. He was well aware that the injuries you couldn't see often took longer to heal than the ones you could.

"Arthur?" Merlin asked. "Please talk to me."

There was a sound of someone struggling to speak, and then the sobbing continued. Merlin found Arthur's hand and gave it a squeeze. "Take your time," he said.

Merlin's couldn't see the clock, but if felt like a long time had passed. Gradually the prince's weeping stopped. There was the sound of a soft sniffle.

"Why?" asked the prince, the word sticking in his throat.

Merlin didn't even have to think. "Because I love you, and if I had to lose you I wouldn't want to live anyway."

Merlin quickly realized his answer had not comforted Arthur. The sobbing started again. If anything, it was louder than before. Then he recalled what happened in the prince's chambers a month ago. With Arthur, sometimes the gentle approach wasn't the best one.

"OK, that's enough of that. You're starting to really tick me off," Merlin snapped. "We've been sitting here for what feels like hours and you've only managed to say one word to me. Isn't there anything else you'd like to say? Maybe "Thank you," or "I love you," or "You're getting a raise?"

This time there was a soft laugh among the sniffles. Gaius had informed the prince that keeping Merlin's spirits up would be very important to the healing process. He struggled to make light of the situation. "All..." Arthur coughed to clear his throat. "All of that, and much more. Well, we'll talk about the raise. We don't want you getting uppity," he said, hoping Merlin would appreciate the humour he couldn't bring himself to feel. Merlin rolled his eyes, a smile on his face.

The prince took a deep breath before continuing. "There's something I need to ask you. Merlin, you're the most powerful sorcerer anyone has seen since the purge, and maybe before it, too."

Merlin's blood ran cold. He hadn't even considered the fact that everyone knew his secret. His eyes opened wide as he realized he had been sharing a bed with the King.

"Merlin, you could have gone anywhere, been welcomed anywhere other than Camelot. You would have been treated like a god in some lands. Why were you my manservant? Why did you stay with me after the way I treated you? Why did you... save me?"

Merlin looked thoughtful. "Because you're going to be a great king someday. If you stay alive long enough, that is. You're really quite bad at that. I knew if I stayed with you, I could keep you alive when no one else... DON'T START CRYING AGAIN! I could keep you alive when no one else could. Although I was tempted to kill you myself when you made me wear that hat!"

Arthur winced. Would that damn hat never stop haunting him? He looked at Merlin. "So, that branch in the forest? That was you?"

"Yep."

The prince paused to consider this. "Anything else? I want to hear the whole truth, Merlin."

"Well, there were those snakes on the shield. Um, you nearly drowned when the Sidhe came to get you. I dragged you out of the lake. It took a while. Your amour is really heavy when it's filled with water. Hmm. There were a few other times. Some I don't even remember. Gaius tells me about a ball of light in a cave with some scary spiders, or something..."

"That was you? You knew I was in trouble from leagues away and you worked your magic from that distance?" Even through his sorrow, Arthur was impressed.

"Remember, you were trying to save my life at the time. We're even there."

Arthur smiled, feeling a bit better.

"Although I did drink that poison for you in the first place..."

Arthur's face fell again. "Anything else?" Merlin was happy, and their familiar banter was like a balm to the prince's wounded soul.

"Um, there was that cockatrice thing, and I guess I ended up giving Uther that magic sword, too."

"You helped MY FATHER? He would have killed you in a second! He nearly did a month ago!"

"Yeah, that was close. Good thing he's a bit long-winded at times."

"ANYTHING ELSE?" the prince growled, some of his shattered personality reasserting itself.

"No, I think that's about... oh wait, there was the Avanc. You didn't think that torch vapourized it all by itself, did you? Silly prince!"

Arthur was irritated, although he felt much better than he had since the assassination attempt. "Stop! No more! I feel incompetent enough, thank you."

The prince paused. "Merlin, I have one other question, and I need to know the answer. Why didn't you tell me? How could we have shared what we did that evening when you were hiding that part of yourself from me?"

"I really was going to. I nearly did in Elador. Oh, I forgot about that whirlwind. I guess that saved you, too. Then again, you saved my village... Well, that's not quite true, either. I could have done it myself with magic, but it's the thought that counts."

The prince sighed. It seemed like his list of debts to Merlin kept growing in spite of his attempts to stop learning about them. "You never know when to shut up, do you?"

"Oops... forgot again... I'll try," Merlin winked, although unable to see. He paused for a moment, looking quite serious. "I was going to tell you after we... ahem... but you fell asleep before I could, you typical man! Then we were rudely interrupted the next morning." The magician shuddered at the memory. "But most of all, I couldn't bear the thought of you hating me. I hope you can forgive me."

Merlin was asking HIM for forgiveness. It was too much to...

"WHAT DID I JUST TELL YOU ABOUT CRYING!" Merlin yelled.

Arthur laughed as he wiped away the fresh tears. He stood up and hopped to the other side of the bed, slowly climbing in to avoid jarring Merlin's damaged hand. He curled up beside the man he loved, clinging to him tightly. He wasn't sure he could ever let him go... not now, not ever.

"Oh, and by the way, about what you did with that wall... IDIOT!"

Merlin beamed. As he curled up in Arthur's arms, his eyes closing from exhaustion, he whispered his reply.

"Prat."

* * *

Two weeks later, Arthur and Merlin walked towards the throne room together, helping one another. Neither of them was completely healed yet. Arthur refused to use the crutches anymore, and he still hopped a bit from time to time. Merlin still couldn't see very well, and his hearing hadn't completely recovered.

Gaius had said Merlin's recovery had been almost miraculous. He had shaken his head, muttering about the power of love. The healing elixir the physician had conjured after four days of unflagging concentration hadn't hurt, either. Uther had been in bed with the wreck of a young man for several weeks. He was willing to be flexible. Barely.

"I don't see what all the fuss is about..." said Merlin. "Didn't your father once say that giving my life for you was my job?"

"Yes, but you did it in a rather spectacular way. Just remember that many of the people in that room were under the wall while you were supporting it. They owe you their lives as well. Just don't say anything stupid," the prince said. "Oh, and they tend to be rather lavish in their praise..."

The guards in front of the throne room opened the doors. A trumpet fanfare sounded as Merlin and Arthur walked into the hall. All the nobles inclined their heads as they walked towards the throne. King Uther sat upon it, looking stern. Well, a bit less stern than usual.

"Merlin. I've never held someone's hand for a month before," said the King. He held up his own damaged hand. Merlin smiled as he did the same. He heard a shocked gasp from the nobles in the throne room. Most of them had heard about how badly the young man had been injured, but seeing it was something else entirely.

The King walked toward Merlin, a scroll in his hand. "Merlin, for saving the life of my son, I reward you. You are a free man of Camelot, entitled to all it's privileges." The King planned to keep the ceremony short. Merlin was still weak from their ordeal, and he had no wish to cause the young man further discomfort.

"In addition, given your... relationship... with the Crown Prince, and the sacrifice you have made, and as I have also learned how you accompanied him, defended him and in so doing saved his life on several other occasions, I find I have another duty. As is the custom of Camelot, we shall formalize your relationship and your status. Henceforth, you shall be known as Sir Merlin, Escort Royal."

The nobles in the throne room bowed in recognition of his new status. An extremely small bow, but flattering nonetheless.

Merlin did not appear flattered. His eyes widened as he turned red. Arthur glanced at him, amused by the look on his lover's face.

"There's no need to be embarrassed, Merlin. You deserve this," Arthur said.

Merlin grabbed Arthur and whispered frantically in his ear. Arthur's eyebrows shot up.

The prince looked shocked. "What do you mean in your village... No, it doesn't! You don't understand..."

Merlin grew even more frantic, gesticulating wildly as he hissed in Arthur's ear. He started to sputter, growing even more red.

One of the ladies of the court brought her hand to her mouth, covering a smile. She winced as she did, her fingernails not yet grown back after they had been torn out by Arthur's armour. The lady had been raised in Merlin's country before marrying a lord from Camelot. She understood the cause of the boy's embarrassment perfectly. Escort meant different things in different lands.

The prince remembered Merlin's reaction when he had tried to thank him with a present the first time they had... ahem. "Listen to me... not in this context... defender, protector, guard..." Arthur whispered, growing red himself. He ran out of synonyms and patience at the same time. He gestured to the nobles, most with a look of confusion on their faces. "THEY DON'T THINK YOU'RE A WHORE EITHER!" yelled the prince.

Merlin glowered at Arthur. Escort would only mean one thing to his mother and the people of his village.

Arthur sighed and turned toward the King. "Father, perhaps given the circumstances, Sir Merlin would be sufficient?" he pleaded. After all, he would have to live with Merlin after this, and his servant... wait, lover, he reminded himself... his lover could be cranky at times.

Uther smiled and opened the scroll. He snapped his fingers and his manservant appeared with a quill and a bottle of gold ink. The King's servant had learned to anticipate his ruler's wishes. The librarian winced as the King scratched out the title. THAT was not going to look good in the chronicles.

"Sir Merlin, period," the King stated.

Merlin looked extremely relieved. That beautiful smile Arthur loved so much appeared on his face.

"I think we've had enough for one day?" the King said.

Arthur and Merlin turned and walked towards the throne room doors. "You know, Merlin, you just gave up a VERY POWERFUL TITLE," Arthur said loudly, pointedly reminding the nobles of the young man's status even if he lacked the formal title.

Merlin's still couldn't hear very well. He matched Arthur's volume. "I NEVER CARED ABOUT TITLES ANYWAY. THEY JUST END UP TURNING PEOPLE INTO PRATS!"

The King did everything he could to stop his grin but he was unsuccessful.

Arthur rolled his eyes. "So much for not saying anything stupid."

As the doors of the throne room opened, the castle rocked, knocking everyone to the ground. A second explosion followed shortly after.

"Not again..." the two sighed together.


	6. Chapter 6

Not Now, Not Ever

Chapter 6

by JulieGee

Arthur and Merlin scrambled off the floor. The sharp impact certainly didn't do Arthur's leg any good. They hopped to the window, Merlin taking some of his weight. The nobles gasped in shock as a large glowing bubble appeared in the field below Camelot seemingly out of nowhere. As the magic dissipated it revealed a cadre of Mercian knights, their supporting army and the largest catapult any of them had ever seen.

The sorceress stood beside the catapult as the concealment shield dissipated. She waved her hands over the already loaded stone. It started glowing with a sickly green light. Camelot's hatred of magic would be their undoing. She smiled, full of hate and delight. She had barely escaped the purge. Her family had not been so lucky. They would not go unavenged.

The King of Mercia stood beside her. He smiled. The assassin had succeeded. He had launched the golden flare - not the blue or red one. The King and the Crown Prince were dead. Camelot would be leaderless. There would be no miracles to stop his conquest this time.

The catapult fired, sending the glowing stone directly at the castle walls. This one fell short, landing in the field close to the city. The explosion was stunning. Whatever enchantment the sorceress was using, it was a powerful one.

King Uther shouted, "Ready the armies! Send out the knights!"

As the nobles jumped to obey, Arthur and his father ran to the inner castle wall as quickly as they could with Merlin close behind. The young man had been surprised by the sight of the armies... what little he could see of them. He had never seen so many people in one place before, and all of them were about to attack the city.

Arthur yelled at his father over the sound of another explosion. "Our knights are only at half strength. Some are training in the east. Some are still recovering from the wall. The armies will take time to form up. More time than we have."

The ground rocked under them again. That stone hit the outer city wall, blowing a hole in it. The Mercian armies began to move against the city. Merlin looked terrified. He ran from the wall as fast as he could.

"Merlin, come back," Arthur cried. He was devastated by his lover's desertion.

Uther saw the look on Arthur's face. His heart went out to his son. "Don't blame him. He's already proven his bravery and his love for you. He's just never been in battle before. He's been raised as a farmer, not a warrior. Commoners always run."

A stone hit the outer wall, shattering it further. They watched as another stone was loaded.

Arthur was inconsolable. Merlin had said he would rather die than live without him. His sadness was complete as he realized that Merlin's fear was more powerful than his love. He and the King looked up as the catapult fired another stone. Arthur sighed. Both of the men understood trajectory. This one would land directly on their position. With both of them still injured, there was no time to escape it. As the stone reached the top of its arc and began its descent, Uther turned to his son.

"I hope you know I love you, my son."

"I have always known, and I have always loved you, Father."

No further words were needed. Both men turned to watch the stone approaching. They had only seconds left, but they would meet death with their eyes open. The flash of the enchantment nearly blinded them as the stone exploded on top of them.

A few seconds went by. Seconds the men should never have had. "What..." Arthur was shaken by a fit of coughing. He could hear his father wheezing beside him. They were both covered in a layer of dust several inches deep. As they helped each other to their feet, looking like children covered in flour after a food fight, another stone exploded into dust several feet above the outer wall. The wall shook, but was undamaged. There had been a blue flash as the stone exploded. Both men looked up, towards the source of the light.

* * *

Merlin stood on the highest tower in Camelot. Blue bolts were flying from his hands. He was intercepting the stones before they hit. Each bolt seemed to drain him further. His magic had still not fully recovered from the accident.

The sorceress turned her attention to him. A bolt of green energy shot from her hands. A shield of blue light formed around Merlin just in time. He staggered under the power of the attack, but his shield held. As the attack from the sorceress ended, he threw his own bolt of blue light at her.

A similar shield sprang up around the sorceress. It would absorb the blast of energy, leaving her free to attack the tower. Move and countermove... the balance of battle. The fool had left himself open to attack in order to intercept the stones more effectively. He could have escaped from the city protected by a shield and a concealment spell, but he had stood his ground. She admired his willingness for self-sacrifice if not his lack of wisdom. That tower was coming down along with their traitorous sorcerer.

She prepared for the strike as the blue fire flew towards her, but it was slightly off target. She smiled. He was inexperienced. He didn't know what he... Her eyes widened. Too late she realized her mistake. She tried to shift her shield to cover the catapult, but there wasn't enough time. The blast of blue light hit the massive weapon and destroyed it, sending huge timbers into the air. She watched in horror as one tumbled directly toward her. In trying to defend the catapult, she had lost her own protection. The shield that started forming around her wasn't nearly strong enough. A massive log struck her a glancing blow, sending her hurtling through the air. The world went dark as she hit the ground, unconscious.

A cheer went up from the city's residents and the knights riding out toward the attacking army. The Mercian King was horrified. In his rousing speech to his army, he had placed a great deal of emphasis on the power of their sorceress to defend them. Now his own soldiers were in disarray, their confidence shattered.

* * *

Arthur turned to his father, one eyebrow raised, a triumphant smile of his face.

"Well, I guess they don't ALWAYS run..." admitted the King. He had never been more glad to be mistaken.

With the catapult destroyed, Merlin focused on the advancing knights. Lightning arced from his fingers, striking them. Several fell and did not get up. The remaining knights were shaken, but continued their charge. They had been in battle many times before and they still had the advantage of superior numbers.

As they got closer to the castle, a cry rang out. "LOOSE!"

The knights weren't worried. Their armour would protect them. But... the arrows flew over their heads. They fell among the Mercian army, the cries of the soldiers audible even at this distance. The soldiers turned to run as they tried to escape the onslaught of arrows.

The King turned to look at the bowmen on the outer wall. He spotted Morgana as she cried "LOOSE!" again. Her bow sang as a volley of arrows flew through the air. Gwen handed her another decorated arrow as the group of peasants reloaded. He really was going to have to reassess his view of the common folk. Uther looked carefully at the enemy army. He was fairly sure the Mercian King had a red striped arrow sticking out of his thigh. He smiled as he remembered his ward's accuracy with her bow.

The cadres of knights crashed together. The Camelot knights were severely outnumbered, but managed to get behind the Mercians. They turned, galloping ahead, about to trap them in a pincer movement. Then the blue lightning hit them.

The King and his son watched in horror. "THOSE ARE OUR MEN!" they cried in unison.

Uther understood first. He grabbed his son, turning him toward the tower. "He's a farmer, not a warrior! He doesn't understand tactics... flanking... withdrawal and advance. He's attacking any knights heading towards the city, and isn't he still partly blind? He can't even see the colours of their banners! Get up there and help him while there's still time!"

The King's guards helped Arthur towards the stairwell. Eventually they just grabbed him and hauled him up the stairs, sacrificing dignity for speed. More blue lightning shot through the air. This time it hit the Mercians. "Oh good," the King sighed with relief. Fate had not deserted them completely.

* * *

Arthur reached the top of the tower with the knights as Merlin was firing another bolt. As he reached the tower crenellations, he saw the lightning fly among his knights.

He grabbed Merlin, with a frantic look in his eyes. "STOP! You're attacking OUR knights." Merlin looked back in horror. "Can you see well enough to attack only blue targets?" Arthur asked.

Merlin squinted. "No, I can't tell the difference from here."

Arthur grabbed his hand and pointed. It just wasn't possible to sight accurately along the sorcerer's arm. "I can't do it either," he said.

"Wait..." Merlin pointed his finger towards the knights. A narrow blue beam shot out, apparently doing no harm to either side. "Point the beam of light at what you want me to hit."

Arthur stood behind him, his hand around Merlin's waist, holding up the exhausted sorcerer. He held Merlin's hand as he targeted. "Now!" he yelled. A bolt of energy shot from his lover's hand. Blue lightning arced among the Mercian knights. There was a horrible scream from a horse.

"I REALLY hate that," Merlin growled. He prepared to fire another bolt. Then he realized something hard was pressing into his back. He looked over his shoulder at Arthur wide-eyed.

"Oh, you've GOT to be kidding!" he said in disbelief.

Arthur blushed. "Battles are exciting! Fire!"

Another bolt flew among the enemy knights. Merlin collapsed, falling backwards into Arthur's arms, barely conscious. That last bolt had been too much for him, but it had been enough.

Arthur looked at the battlefield below. The Mercian knights were withdrawing as fast as their horses would carry them. The enemy army had already reached the tree line. Some dropped as another volley of arrows fell among them. The sound of Morgana's clear voice reached them. "HOLD!" She knew when a battle was won. There was no need to continue the killing.

Cheers broke out from the commoners on the wall. They grabbed Morgana and lifted her over their heads, yelling praises as they carried her off the wall and through the streets of Camelot with Gwen celebrating along with them.

Merlin couldn't hear the praises people were shouting at him as the King's knights carefully helped him down the stairs, the prince hopping behind. They turned and headed toward Arthur's chambers.

* * *

Standing on the inner wall below Uther had a clear view of the tower throughout the battle. He had seen his son and the sorcerer acting as a team, with an efficiency and effectiveness he had never witnessed before in all his years of battle.

Then the King remembered. Merlin had sworn he would not use magic again. The King simply could not ignore the impact of what the young man had done. His face fell as he thought of what it would do to Arthur. He shook his head sadly. It couldn't be helped. Kings had responsibilities... his desires were secondary. He had to think of Camelot first.

* * *

Arthur carefully placed Merlin down on his bed. He had managed to carry him the last few feet by himself. Merlin's eyes flickered open. He saw Arthur looking down at him with amazement and pride.

"I really was a fool to doubt you," he said. "You saved the city. You saved us all."

"We both know that I couldn't have done it without you." He yawned. "Y'know, I'm really very tired. Could we talk about this tomorrow?" he asked.

He fell asleep as his head touched the pillow, not waiting for a reply. Arthur crawled in beside him and rested his forehead on the back of Merlin's neck. He smiled. At least this time his former manservant was asleep. He couldn't tease him about the hard object pressing into his back. He promptly fell asleep as well.

The next morning he did wake as the door to his room opened, but it was too late.


	7. Chapter 7

Not Now, Not Ever

Chapter 7

Two guards burst into the prince's room. He sat up in bed in an instant and fell back as quickly. The events of the previous day had left him exhausted.

"The King has decreed that the sorcerer must answer for his use of magic," one of the guards said. The other guard walked over to the bed and took Merlin by the arm.

Both Arthur and Merlin were still dressed in their outfits from the previous day's battle. There was no delay this time. The guard pulled Merlin out of bed and dragged him out of Arthur's chambers and towards the throne room. This time Arthur was in no condition to stop them but he grabbed his sword and shuffled out of the room and down the corridor as quickly as he could.

* * *

As the door to the throne room opened, Merlin looked directly into Uther's eyes. They glittered like ice on the coldest days of winter. Looking into those eyes, Merlin realized the King's hatred of magic was undiminished. He could expect no mercy from him. Then he looked around the throne room as the King spoke.

"All here know the cost of using magic in Camelot. All here shall witness the result of his disobedience. All of you have seen how tolerant and forgiving I have been over the past few weeks. That ends now."

Merlin was sure the King must have been so weakened by his injuries that he tolerated Gaius' use of magic without thinking.

A sound of hopping came from the hallway outside. "Guards!" the King commanded as Arthur entered the throne room using his sword as a crutch. The guards grabbed him and disarmed him easily.

"Oh, God" Arthur said as he saw the nobles. It was seldom done but the King must have called them to witness his justice. He tried to shake off the guards. Their grip was like iron.

Uther stood and walked toward Merlin. "You knew your use of magic was expressly forbidden, yet you used it anyway." The King drew his dagger. "You brought this on yourself... and him." He gestured with his dagger in Arthur's direction.

"Sir Merlin, I strip you of all titles."

Arthur gasped. The King would only do this for one reason. He would never execute a noble without a trial. He would have no such issue with a commoner. The King planned to kill his lover right in front of him in the throne room itself. Perhaps his father would listen to reason. Perhaps...

The dagger lashed out. Merlin stumbled backwards as Arthur screamed, "NO!" He had been too late. He had failed. He had...

"OW!" Merlin yelled.

Arthur thought the King would have stabbed him through the chest at the first stroke. His lover's blood dropped onto the floor from his crippled hand. Was some kind of torture? Death by a thousand cuts?

The King flipped the dagger and slashed his own ruined hand. Their blood mixed on the floor. They both shook uncontrollably. The Old Magic emanating from their mixing blood was unbelievably powerful. Merlin's eyes didn't flash. They burned steadily like a golden fire. Uther lifted his hand, palm outward.

Merlin was drawn towards him by the magic. It was almost hypnotic. Their hands touched. Both gasped as the magic flowed through them.

The King's voice rang out in the throne room. "If the past few days have proven anything, it is that Camelot can no longer stand if our enemies use magic while we do not. The chronicles provide a solution from the far past. All here will witness as we reestablish the historical division between temporal and etherial power in Camelot. We hereby restore magic to its rightful place."

As their hands parted, golden light flashed outward. Everyone in the throne room staggered backwards, shocked by the intensity of the light as it expanded, picking up speed as it flew through the walls.

* * *

The wave of light passed through the rock and into a cavern deep below. The castle shook as the dragon roared with joy, breathing in the magic it had missed for so long. The hatred that had haunted it for years started to clear from its mind.

The light flew through the city. At first the citizens cowered as they saw the wave traveling towards them, but as the wave passed through them it felt like a weight had lifted off their shoulders. One they hadn't even been aware they were carrying. Everyone looked towards the castle in amazement. Some smiled for the first time in years.

In the countryside some farmers in their fields saw a glow on the horizon. The wave passed through the hill behind their field and straight through them. After it struck, the land looked greener, the air felt fresher and the birds seemed to sing more musically than they had only seconds before.

A group of druids chanted in the forest. The spell was their last hope. Soldiers of Camelot had pursued them through the forest for weeks. They were disheveled and wounded from previous attacks. The druids tried to cast a concealment spell but the energy collapsed before they could harness it. They had given the last of their food to their starving children a few days before and their hunger prevented them from concentrating enough to cast the spell. The soldiers entered the clearing. The priests and priestesses moved to shield their children from the arrows with their bodies, but their hope had already died. The soldiers were not known for their mercy. As their attackers prepared to fire their arrows a golden wave of energy passed through the clearing, washing over them as it did. The soldiers paused and then lowered their bows. They had always felt the King's orders were wrong. Now they knew it. They walked across the clearing and shared their food with their former foes.

The Mercian army had nearly reached the border. The Sorceress was bleeding from a cut in her head. She looked to the horizon as she felt the overwhelming power flying towards them. There was no time to raise a shield around the army and she would not protect only herself. She would die with them. She closed her eyes, accepting her fate. As the wave washed over her she gasped, and slowly smiled in amazement. She could sense the King and their sorcerer in the magic. They were working together. She knew that the age of terror in Camelot was over. A tear ran down her face as she realized she had made a difference after all. She knew her family would have approved as her vengeance caused revival instead of destruction.

As the light reached the border of Camelot it stopped and the glow gradually faded, leaving a land at peace in its wake.

* * *

King Uther and Merlin smiled at one another. The poisoning hatred that had filled the King's soul for so many years had disappeared. His madness had ended. He knew that he was finally well again. He and Merlin lowered their hands in unison, a deep bond having formed between them.

The King's voice rang out. "As I said, you are no longer Sir Merlin. You have been stripped of all temporal titles, and I restore the etherial ones. Henceforth, you shall be known as Merlin, Archmage of Camelot. As it was centuries before, so it is again."

There was considerable applause from the nobles, and then only silence as those in attendance paused to consider the ramifications of the King's royal decree. Arthur cared about only one thing. Merlin would live. He would not lose him to his father's hatred.

Morgana and Gaius started to laugh as they looked at Arthur. His brow furrowed as he tried to remember his childhood lessons. Understanding hit him like a lightning bolt. His eyes opened wide, a look of horror on his face.

"FATHER! YOU CAN'T!" he gasped.

Uther smiled, holding up his formerly warped hand now healed by the magic. "Too late," he said. "I told you his actions would have consequences."

Merlin lifted his hand and discovered that it had healed as well. His vision was no longer blurry and he could hear everything clearly. He let his hand drop as he looked around in confusion.

Morgana finally gained control of her laughter. "Come now, Arthur. Gaius taught you well." The King's Ward and the physician looked at Arthur expectantly. The prince shook his head in disbelief as he walked across the throne room. His face was like stone, completely unreadable.

Merlin didn't understand why the prince wasn't happy for him. "Will someone tell me what the hell is going on?" he yelled as he looked around frantically.

Arthur never took his eyes off his former manservant's face as he dropped to one knee.

Morgana laughed again, delighted. "In the tradition of Camelot and sealed by the Old Magic, the King and Archmage are co-rulers. You and Uther rule together. In other words, you outrank Arthur!"

Merlin looked down at the Crown Prince. A smile slowly spread across his face. It was positively feral. Arthur's face fell as he saw the grin. He had time for one last comment before Merlin motioned to the guards.

"Oh, crap."

* * *

The next morning, Merlin and Uther stood on Camelot's highest tower, watching as dawn crept over a much more peaceful land. A soft, warm breeze rustled their hair.

The King's crown glittered in the early morning light, a tiny dent still visible from where it had clattered to the cobblestones of the courtyard. It was only a few weeks ago, but it felt like a lifetime. He kept his crown as it was to serve as a reminder of the incident.

The Archmage looked at him and smirked. "Glad you had your fun at my expense, Uther." A glowing halo the colour of moonlight rested magically upon his brow. He had it tipped at a rakish angle. That way it wouldn't remind Arthur of the "hat" that kept haunting him.

"Is that really necessary?" the King asked as he gestured toward the halo. He would never be completely comfortable with magic.

"Of course not. It seems everyone knows who I am without it," the Archmage said ruefully.

The halo faded and disappeared.

"Thank you," the King said as he relaxed visibly.

This morning the Archmage had visited the damaged areas on the city walls. His mere presence seemed to comfort people as they worked on the repairs. The city would be vulnerable until the walls were fixed and they were confident the Archmage would protect them until then.

Everywhere Merlin walked in the city people smiled and bowed before him. Some even stopped to kiss his hand. Until today, Merlin had no idea how many babies were in the city until their mothers started holding them up for his blessing. That was something he would have to deal with quickly. The Old Religion had a new leader. A leader who had no intention of letting himself be deified.

The knights were a bit less thrilled with him, but at least none of them had been badly injured as a result of his blind attacks. Their irritation was actually a relief. Merlin had lots of experience irritating knights and nobles. It just wouldn't feel right if none of them were scowling at him.

"The whole bowing thing does get a bit tiring, though," Merlin whispered as two of the King's guards walked by and bowed to him as well as the King.

"I suppose it would, if you're not used to it." The King paused for a few moments before continuing.

"Gaius tells me I only have a few weeks to live. The backwash of energy from the incident with the wall was too strong to be borne by someone without magical ability. If you hadn't absorbed most of the flow, I never would have survived a minute," he said.

"Ironically, if you had absorbed all of it, I might not have been healed enough to recognize my own madness. It was like a curtain being pulled back in a room that hadn't seen use for years. The light shows all the cobwebs and dust that had been hidden until that moment." The King knew those cobwebs had cost many good people their lives and nearly destroyed Camelot. It was a difficult thing to live with.

"I'm glad your final days can be spent in peace. You may rest assured that Camelot will thrive. Arthur will make a fine King," the Archmage said.

The comment about Arthur's upcoming reign reassured the King. Those versed in magic often saw things others could not, including the future.

"I have no worries about Camelot. Our greatest enemy has been defeated and humiliated. No one will dare move against us in the near future." The King looked thoughtful as he shared his wisdom.

"So much of leadership is instilling confidence in those around you. The commoners watched you intercept the stones, destroy the catapult and wreak havoc among the knights. It may have taken all your power and exhausted you, but the things you managed to do before you passed out were very visible. What many don't realize is the impact the bowmen had. Those were commoners who turned the tide of battle. Encourage them and train them and you will have an army that can be raised instantly. No more running when the alarm bell tolls. They will bring their weapons and attack the enemy instead of hiding, thanks to you. You might want to put Morgana in charge of their training. She's wonderfully talented with her bow and the bowmen adore her," the King said.

A soft cawing of a gull drew their attention for a few moments. They paused in their conversation to watch its flight. As they did, the breeze carried the sound of a tiny voice from the courtyard below. The voice was swearing in a continuous stream. They both looked down. People were milling about like ants from their perspective.

"Speaking of having fun at another's expense," Uther murmured.

One of the tiny ants was struggling in the stocks. Even at this height he was recognizable by the shock of blond hair and the red jacket. Uther glanced sideways at Merlin, clearly disapproving.

Merlin smiled at him. "Don't worry... just the once."

The King laughed. He was very thankful his position was equal to the Archmage's.

The swearing cut off midstream in the courtyard below. Other ants were hurling things at the blond man. As Merlin watched, his eyes flashed, magically amplifying his voice.

"Hey! What did I tell you kids... no cabbages!"

The King and the Archmage returned their gaze to the rich, green landscape and welcomed the dawn.


	8. Chapter 8

Not Now, Not Ever

Chapter 8

by JulieGee

Warm, golden sunlight slashed across the floor of their chambers. Little dust motes floated in the light. Merlin waved some of them away as he sat behind his desk. He had never had a desk before. To be completely honest, he wasn't even sure what his desk looked like. He had stepped out for a morning snack and it had been there when he returned, apparently covered in paper from the moment it arrived. That was going to take some getting used to. He sighed as he looked at all the paperwork in front of him. One day as Archmage and he was nearly buried by it.

Of course, he had brought much of it on himself. His plans for an Academy of Magic were in their infancy but such things clearly generated a lot of paperwork. He had appointed Gaius as Dean. He could think of no one who deserved the position more. The physician had already selected a team of knights to accompany him as he searched the land looking for those with innate magical ability.

A young woman appeared at his door, dropping off some more paper and a bottle of ink. Never in the history of Camelot had a woman been a "manservant" but Merlin wanted to make changes and this seemed as good a place to start as any. She had been uncomfortable with the offer until Merlin reminded her that he was once a commoner and damn well knew how to dress himself. Relieved, she sat her flowers aside and accepted the position with gratitude.

A few minutes after she left bearing a stack of papers for Gaius' signature, the door opened with a crash. Merlin didn't jump at the sound. He had been expecting it.

The Crown Prince of Camelot stood in the doorway, dripping with ice water. He stomped toward Merlin.

"YOU!" he forced out between his chattering teeth.

"Who, me?" Merlin replied, blinking innocently as a golden halo appeared above his head. Arthur wasn't buying it. Merlin was many things, but a saint he was not!

The Archmage pushed his chair back from his desk and stood. "I see they took time to clean off the mess. That was thoughtful of them," he said as he walked toward the shivering prince. He kissed Arthur softly on his chilled lips.

Arthur paused in his fury to look at him with concern. "You look exhausted," he said. His partner's eyes were glowing softly, barely visible in the sunlight. He was showing some signs of strain on his face. He looked like he might have a headache, too.

"It takes a surprising amount of power to keep water colder than ice," Merlin said with a wink. His eyes stopped glowing and the water dripping off Arthur rose to room temperature.

Arthur's eyes flashed with anger. He tried to hiss at Merlin but his chattering teeth made it impossible.

"Perhaps it's time to warm you up a bit." Merlin ran his hand down his lover's chest and continued past his belt. He grasped Arthur's... Merlin's eyes opened wide in surprise.

Arthur was tiny!

"Uh oh! Shrinkage. Didn't think of that, or I would have had them use warm water to clean you off. Ah well, a lesson learned," Merlin said with a grin.

The Archmage's eyes flashed and their clothes disappeared. The tub filled with steaming water. Merlin walked over to the nightstand and picked up the bottle of oil. He added it to the water himself. There were some traditions he didn't want to give up. The pleasing scent of lavender filled the room.

Arthur didn't wait for permission. He slowly lowered himself into the tub, sighing as the steaming water met his freezing skin. Merlin hopped into the tub after him, facing the other direction. Arthur splashed water in his face as he settled in.

Merlin sputtered as he blinked the water out of his eyes. "Idiot!"

"Prat," Arthur replied, laughing.

The prince was getting more comfortable with their reversal of position. Arthur felt a brief pang of sadness as he realized it wouldn't be long before they were equals. His father would get weaker and weaker with time. Within a few weeks Uther would be ruling in name alone. Prince Arthur was already absorbing some of his responsibilities. He had his own desk covered with paper.

Merlin squirmed. "The tub isn't very comfortable at this end," he said. Then he batted his eyelashes at Arthur seductively.

Arthur laughed. "Well, there's plenty of room over here." He patted the water in front of him.

Merlin moved to the other side of the tub and lowered himself into Arthur's lap. He winced as he did. He still hadn't fully recovered from the battle. It had taken a lot out of him and added to his injuries from holding up the wall.

Arthur recognized the signs of his pain. He had felt them enough himself over the years. Thankfully, that was something he could help with.

"Lean forward, Merlin," he said, as he picked up the bottle of oil. He poured some into his hand and rubbed it on Merlin's back. The glistening liquid slid through his fingers and dripped onto his lover's skin. He rubbed it in softly, working in circles, always thorough. The knots of muscle started to relax almost immediately. Arthur realized much of the problem was stress.

The Archmage was getting an idea of what it took to rule a kingdom. It was NOT fun! Arthur had been raised from birth to assume his father's responsibilities. If he had any flaws that might make him less than a perfect King, his advisors would step in and, well, advise him. Merlin's only example was a few pages from the ancient chronicles. He was busy studying them, but they explained nothing about the daily tasks he could expect.

Arthur scooped some water from the tub and poured it over his lover's head. There was a brief sputtering sound as the water ran down his face, followed by a sigh.

Merlin leaned back, the water from his hair mixing with the oil on the prince's defined chest. He tilted his head to the side and back. Arthur kissed him passionately. His tongue probed over and over. Merlin had a pretty good idea of what that was a prelude to.

He felt Arthur growing under him. "Glad your 'little problem' is solved," he laughed.

Arthur wasn't laughing. It had been months since the two had time alone together uninjured. This wasn't funny. This was need.

"I want to make you feel like you made me feel. Please?" Arthur asked.

Arthur was hard and still growing beneath him. The pressure against him was getting hard to ignore. He shifted forward and Arthur poured some water on his back, warming him again.

"And what if I say no?" the Archmage moaned. The pressure was nearly unbearable. Arthur was seconds from sliding into him fully.

"Are you going to say no?"

"Never," Merlin replied.

He gasped as Arthur finally penetrated him. He gasped again as Arthur pulled him back to rest against him. The oil on his back made it easy to slide up and down Arthur's chest as the prince lifted and lowered him again and again. It made it easy to slide up and down everywhere. The water started splashing as their rocking motion intensified.

Arthur reached around and pinched his nipple.

"Oh. That's... that's nice, but I'm too sensitive there." Merlin and Arthur were discovering what each of them liked. They looked forward to further explorations.

Arthur smirked. "You know what makes me feel sensitive? Ice water!" he said, as he pinched the other one, but softer this time. He smirked as Merlin's back arched against him. The shift had made him penetrate deeper. Merlin clutched the sides of the tub, his knuckles turning white with the pressure.

"Oh, this... the water.... the rocking... you. This is wonderful, But..."

"Hmm? But?"

"The bath is one of those things I really want to try, but Arthur, I'd like you, um..." Merlin blushed softly.

"Merlin! Anything! Tell me and I'll do it. Tell me and we'll do it together. You never need to be embarrassed with me. If I'm not comfortable with it, trust me, I'll find a way to make it up to you. Even if it takes me hours and hours. Days and days. If I have to have make love to you every day for years, I will."

"How very selfless of you!" Merlin laughed. It was Arthur's turn to blush.

"Arthur, maybe I'm just traditional but I want you on top of me. Laying on me. I want to feel your weight holding me down. I want to struggle valiantly, but I always want to lose in the end. Well, win actually. Win with you."

"By your command, Archmage."

"AND STOP THAT! It's hard to feel helpless when you keep empowering me!"

"You're really tense. I think it's time for me to do the work," Arthur murmured. He picked Merlin up in his arms, oiled muscles flexing as he did. The water dripping from his lover disappeared before it soaked the carpets. He carried Merlin over to the bed. He was about to get a towel to wipe off the excess oil when a look stopped him.

"Don't worry about that. I'll clean up after. I've done it before," Merlin smiled. His experience as Arthur's manservant had taught him a bit. "I also think we'll like the extra oil."

Arthur dropped him onto the bed with a laugh and moved on top of him. Their bodies slid against each other until they found a comfortable position.

Arthur looked down at him. He studied his lover closely. He seemed to be considering what to try next. Merlin made it easy for him. He slipped his hand into Arthur's hair and pulled him into a passionate kiss. Their lips met softly, and then harder, and then with the urgency they both felt. They started to move slowly, bodies sliding along each other as their tongues played together.

The kiss was wonderful. It went on and on and it was wonderful. Then Arthur pulled back and looked at his lover. "I think it's time to start."

"START? What the hell was the bath?" Merlin looked incredulous. He winced slightly as Arthur positioned himself against a now sensitive spot.

"Foreplay," Arthur growled. Merlin had a chance to see what feral looked like.

"Foreplay is usually what happens BEFORE one starts doing this, Arthur," he whispered, voice husky with excitement.

"Compared to what we're going to do now, it's foreplay."

They loved their witty retorts, but this time neither of them smiled. Arthur shifted position and entered him almost without effort.

"Oh God, Arthur! I need..."

"Forgive my insensitivity to your needs. Think of it as another little 'thank you' for the ice water." He began a slow rocking motion, like a wave caressing a seashore.

"Oh... I think you should keep being insensitive for a while longer," Merlin purred.

He blinked as a drop of Arthur's sweat fell close to his eye. His lover licked it away, and then kissed him. The taste of salt and sweat and oil and Arthur was almost overwhelming.

The prince moved on top of him, penetrating him from a slightly different angle. The shift in position made him gasp. It was a new feeling. Similar, but different enough to make him shudder.

Arthur started thrusting into him again. Merlin moaned as he remembered how he had made Arthur feel this way before. Thanks to him, Arthur had a damn good idea what he was doing. Merlin was almost unable to take the intensity. He was going to lose it if Arthur didn't slow down. Arthur didn't look like he had any intention of doing that.

Merlin turned his head and said, "I'm sorry we didn't share this before. "I'm sorry I didn't trust you enough. Please forgive me?" His eyes flashed as he watched his lover closely.

The prince's back arched, his eyes widening as he moaned. "What... that... that feels SO GOOD! What are you..." He moaned again. His teeth ground together as he felt something swell inside him a second time.

Merlin smiled wickedly. "Magic is a wonderful thing. I can be in two places at the same time."

"AAAAAAAAAAH!" Arthur gasped. He pounded the bed with his fist, trying to maintain control. He rested his forehead on Merlin's shoulder, breathing heavily. "Not... not fair! Not... AAAAAAAAAAH!"

Waves of pleasure flew through Arthur's body everywhere he was in contact with his lover. That was a feeling only Merlin could give.

"Think of it as training. Every time you touch me you get to feel like that," Merlin purred. "I think with a carrot like this, I'm not going to be needing a stick."

Arthur gasped again. His whole body shuddered as another wave of pleasure passed through him.

"I think we're going to have a lot of fun tonight," the Archmage whispered through his clenched teeth.

"You're training me like I'm some kind of stallion?" the prince asked, trying to be irritated. Merlin's eyes flashed softly with golden light. Arthur tried to brace himself, but another wave of pleasure sent him reeling.

"Why not? You're hung like a stallion, and I want to be able to ride you whenever I wish to," Merlin laughed. "And if you learn your lessons well, I promise not to turn you into one. Well, unless you want to try it. I was a bird once. It was disconcerting. I think I..."

"Shut up, Merlin!"

Arthur's eyes closed as his jaw worked. He moaned as the magic inside him intensified. "Not... Fair!" he whispered. "Not... God please don't stop? Please?" His head fell to rest against Merlin's neck as he tried to maintain control.

He nearly lost it as the wave of ecstasy hit him again. It was like some sexual force of nature. A tear rolled down his cheek. He was sure no one was meant to experience that much pleasure at once.

He struggled to concentrate. He knew he was the only one who would ever experience these stunning sensations. It made him feel special. He wanted to lie back and experience it without distraction, but that wouldn't be fair. He started thrusting again. Then he paused.

"Merlin, what you're doing inside me. I want to make you feel what I'm feeling but I don't know how. Can you do it to yourself? Can I, um, be inside of you while you do?"

Merlin hadn't considered the possibility. His eyes narrowed as he concentrated. They rolled back into his head as he succeeded. So big... So big...

Arthur moaned. There wasn't much room when Merlin was doing that, but he could fit if he held position deep inside. That sensation was wonderful as well. Two places at once was almost more than he could take. He cried out as another wave of pleasure crashed against him.

Merlin's smile faded as he gripped the sheets with his oiled hands. He wasn't laughing anymore. This was sex, not a cuddle. He had been cuddled enough over the past weeks. He needed this now.

Arthur's hands tightened on Merlin's arms. They're leave a bruise tomorrow. The Archmage wouldn't heal them. He liked the evidence of their night together.

"Stay big. Stay as big as you are right now," Arthur said.

"It's so tight. Too much pressure. I can't..." He tried to relax. He managed to a bit. "OK, I think that's as much as I can take."

"Good," Arthur said. "You can consider this YOUR training." He started thrusting again.

The Archmage moaned with the intensity. Both magic and Arthur together... way too much. Way too... he moaned again. Maybe that was the point. Arthur did have more experience with this than he did. He sent out another wave of pleasure, delighted with Arthur's moan. Then he looked closely at his lover. Arthur looked distracted.

"Um, Merlin, can it be just us again? No magic?" Merlin's eyes stopped glowing. Arthur sighed. What a price. No magic and those beautiful eyes stopped glowing like sunlight.

The cacophony of pleasure faded away, leaving Merlin kissing him and taking his thrusts. This was the way he always wanted it to end. Just them, and sex, and love. That was all the magic they needed.

Arthur started to speed up. He found it much easier to concentrate without the constant battering of unspeakable ecstasy. He was able to concentrate on Merlin again. His lover cried out as he moved in and out of him over and over. Arthur took that as an invitation for more. He went harder and faster, trying to hold off as the pressure built inside him.

Merlin grabbed his head and turned it to the side. His tongue flicked into Arthur's ear, probing deeply, first for a few seconds, then for much longer. The Prince moaned. That was a sensation almost beyond belief.

"Merlin?"

"Not magic, just me," Merlin assured him. He was about to start on Arthur's other ear. Arthur surprised him by nipping one of his. That wasn't fair! Arthur knew how sensitive his ears were. He knew how quickly...

Merlin started to pant underneath Arthur as he cried out his name. Combined with the sliding of their bodies, the sliding of the Prince inside him, the nibbling on his ear, it was too much. He started to gasp.

"Arthur, I'm..."

"Me, too."

They looked into each other's eyes as Arthur started to pulse in time with his thrusts. The prince cried out as he shot again and again. Merlin writhed in pleasure beneath him as he did the same, both adding to the oil and sweat covering their bodies, now almost frictionless inside and out. Their bodies relaxed as their breathing slowly returned to normal.

Arthur nuzzled Merlin's ear with his nose and made snuffling sounds. The Archmage's giggle amused them both. It really didn't fit with the previous moans of their lovemaking. It seemed to give his former manservant an idea.

"Arthur, you said no magic," Merlin whispered. He studied his lover closely.

"Is that all right? I really liked it when it was just us, but we can always use magic if that's what you want." He sounded a bit disappointed. As disappointed as someone could in deciding between sex in pure form, or accompanied by waves of pleasure.

"Arthur, I like just us, too. I think I might even prefer it, but I think there's something magical I can do that we'll both love."

Arthur didn't look convinced. He braced himself for another wave of pleasure before...

"What... Hey! WOW! You win! I love it already!" he laughed.

"We both win. No waiting period between when you finish and when you can start again."

"Y'know, it only takes me about ten minutes anyway..." Arthur reminded him.

"And that's an eternity when you're not inside me. When you could be inside me. When we could..."

Arthur snickered as he started to thrust again. "I know I've said this many times before, and I'm sure I'll say it many times again, but Merlin, will you PLEASE SHUT UP!"

Merlin was more than happy to. It was too hard to speak while he was moaning. If Arthur kept this up, he'd have to make sure they built a cushion into his new throne.

As they began to move in time with one another yet again, Arthur whispered the words Merlin had thought no Pendragon would ever utter.

"I love magic!"


	9. Chapter 9

Not Now, Not Ever

by JulieGee

Chapter 9

A year had passed since Uther's death. The country had finished mourning the loss of one King, and celebrating the ascension of another. A picnic in the summer sun was just what the busy rulers needed.

A warm wind caressed Merlin's skin as he played with a blade of grass. Arthur's head rested on his stomach. He was snoring softly. Morgana and Gwen... the Lady Gwen, he reminded himself, nibbled on an assortment of snacks from the basket. Sir Kevin and Sir Chris, formally Uther's guards and now Arthur's, lay on the blanket looking up at the sky. Merlin's maidservant laughed as her boyfriend tickled her feet lightly. She had the day off, but she often chose to spend it with Merlin and Arthur, if they weren't too busy ruling.

Some children ran by tossing flowers at each other. A yellow petal from a rose drifted in the air. Merlin grabbed it, memories flooding back. He put it in his palm and blew on it lightly. It drifted on the wind and landed on the blanket beside Gwen. She promptly picked it up as he knew she would. As she had done more than a year ago. She paused as she looked at him in surprise. He winked back, a smile spreading across his face. Gwen laughed. Finally, the missing piece of the puzzle. She would be sure to tell Morgana once they were back in the castle.

Suddenly a dark shape blanketed the sky. With a soft "whooosh" the dragon landed beside them. Much like Uther, It's hatred had disappeared with the healing power of the golden wave. Much had been forgiven in the following days. It walked over to them, stomped really, and tapped Arthur on the stomach with one of it's massive claws. Arthur stretched sleepily and opened his eyes.

"BOO," said the dragon.

Arthur screamed as his eyes opened wide with terror. After he caught his breath, he yelled "I told you not to do that!" It was the same snort that had woken him up that morning, and it had the same effect. It was hard to remain calm when a huge dragon nostril was pressed up against the open window, breathing in and out, turning the bedroom into a brimstone-scented hurricane.

"AND I TOLD YOU I DON'T CARE," the dragon boomed as everyone in the park covered their ears, laughing. "HMM... PERHAPS YOU'D LIKE TO PLAY ANOTHER GAME?"

Arthur paled. He most certainly did not!

* * *

A few months ago, at a picnic much like this one, the dragon scampered about on the grass playing with some children. It was surprisingly nimble for such a huge creature. The children laughed as they ran towards the trees. Just before they reached them, the dragon's hand slammed into the ground around them, making a cage with it's claws.

"CAUGHT YOU!" it said, it's laughter nearly deafening.

The game complete, it wandered over to the picnic area. "I'LL BET I CAN CATCH YOU, PENDRAGON!" Arthur was intrigued. He glanced at the trees. If he dodged as he ran, he might just make it.

"Sure," he said with a smile.

Unfortunately for him "Catch the Children" and "Catch the Pendragon" were VERY different games.

As Arthur plummeted towards the tiny towers of Camelot for the fourth time, screaming like a little girl, he prayed the dragon was very good at catch.

His friends watched them from the park, laughing uncontrollably as the dragon caught him and started to climb into the sky again. Merlin turned to the Dean.

"Gaius, has the Academy calculated the speed of a flare spell?" he asked.

Gaius looked thoughtful. "Yes, about two thousand feet per second." He raised his hand and shot a ball of white light into the air. About five seconds later, the dragon ate it as it continued to climb.

"Well, that must be quite a view," Gwen mused as the dragon drew back its arm and hurled a tiny speck of red towards the ground for the fifth time.

Eventually the dragon tired of the game. It flung Arthur towards his group of friends and caught him a few feet above the ground, putting him down gently beside them. The hysterical King continued screaming for several seconds. The dragon studied him curiously.

"I DIDN'T KNOW A HUMAN MALE COULD MAKE THAT SOUND," it said.

Morgana laughed. "No one knew a human male could make that sound, Dragon."

* * *

The dragon's chuckle brought Merlin back to the present. "PERHAPS ANOTHER TIME, PENDRAGON."

Merlin closed his eyes as he lay on the ground with a wistful look on his face. Some of his fondest memories were of that day.

The King hadn't enjoyed himself as much as the others. Little girl, indeed! Arthur had clearly needed to reassure himself of his masculinity. He thrusted into Merlin with far more vigor than usual. Merlin thanked his massive friend profusely the next morning.

The sorcerer noticed the light beginning to fade. A warm rain started to fall on them. The women laughed as they frantically gathered up the blankets. The knights joined them in their laughter as they packed the picnic basket.

Merlin smiled. He could have raised a shield to protect them from the rain, but he was the one who brought in the first place. What fun was a picnic if they didn't get wet at the end of it?

He sighed contentedly, remembering his dinner appointment with the Lady Hunith. They'd have to hurry if he was going to be on time. The picnic basket packed up, he kissed Arthur, grabbed his hand and headed for the castle at a run.

* * *

A few hours later, Arthur and Merlin sat in their chambers playing a game of chess as they discussed the events of the day. Gradually, Arthur focused more and more of his attention on the board.

Merlin had already beat him three times, and appeared well on the way to a fourth victory. He tried to think several moves ahead as his father had taught him, but Merlin was always a step ahead of him. He grew increasingly frustrated as piece after piece of his white army disappeared from the board. Then, for the fourth time, Merlin checkmated him with his queen.

Arthur lost his temper. He picked up the queen and threw it at Merlin. The Archmage had anticipated this. Uther had never taught his son to accept a loss graciously. He dodged. The queen flew through the air before it shattered a window and flew off into the night. A few seconds later they heard the sound of ivory striking some unfortunate guard's helmet. A loud string of very creative curses followed.

The symbolism of the piece's flight was lost on neither of them.

"Maybe we shouldn't play chess anymore. I never win," Arthur grumbled as he tried to hide his smile.

Merlin agreed. "Something makes me think if I win again, I'll be the next queen to go flying through the window."

Both laughed so hard they fell out of their chairs and rolled on the floor.

What Arthur might lack in patience he made up for in stamina. As their lovemaking entered it's fourth hour Merlin was very glad Arthur was on top. He was tired, but he had to make sure he didn't fall asleep yet. The only time that had happened before, Arthur stomped around the castle fuming for two days. He did NOT like his skill as a lover being called into question.

Arthur switched positions as their lavender-oiled bodies slid against each other. Merlin gasped with pleasure as he raked his lover's back with his fingernails. He decided even a fifth hour wasn't out of the question.

* * *

Time passed as it does, and everything must come to an end. Centuries after their deaths, a powerful magic no one could have foreseen moved against Camelot. All fought valiantly, but in the end the city was destroyed, even the dust of its stones blown away by the wind. Until the last of the chronicles burned in the onslaught, one true illustration of their time remained.

Sunlight poured in through the windows of the throne room. Arthur sat upon his throne in brilliant battle armour, Excalibur shining in his hand, his golden crown gleaming in the sunlight. Morgana stood beside him, resting her arm on his shoulder.

On the throne at Arthur's right side, always at his right side, sat Merlin, Archmage of Camelot. Gwen's hand rested on his shoulder. A dark blue robe embroidered with silver stars flowed around him, accented by a red scarf at his throat. Upon his brow rested a halo of soft white light, tipped at a rakish angle.

The picture might have been one of many others illustrating the historical Kings and Archmages of Camelot. The one great difference was the arms of their thrones. There was only one armrest between them. It was all they needed as they held hands, bonded by their love.

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**_The End_**

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* * *

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**A/N: I hope you enjoyed this story. Please let me know if you did. I love reviews. Don't worry if you read it months after this chapter's published. Reviews let me know if I've done something right, or if I should do something different in the future.**

I'd also like to draw your attention to another story I've just started. It's called "**Unending Passion**." It's a very different kind of story. It's set in the present day (give it a chance!) and follows the lives of Merlin and Arthur through their first meeting at the age of four, their high school years, the birth and growth of their children, and the achievement of their destiny.

It's darker, it's intense, and it's funny. I think many of you will enjoy it as well. I've posted the first chapter of the new story at the same time I posted the last chapter of this one. You can find it by searching under the name "Unending Passion." It's rated 'M'. You can also find it by clicking on my bio and selecting it from the list of "My Stories" at the bottom of the page.

I hope you'll like reading it as much as I've enjoyed writing it.

Cheers!

JulieGee


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